THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Giving Thanks for a Lewinsky
on Columbus Day in France
While Scoring in a Subway Series
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, October 15, 1999
Getting a Lewinsky
Dr. Bernard Lewinsky is aghast that during an episode of
Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, a character
was described as "getting a Lewinsky". Why not, he asks, say
that he "got a Clinton job".
One wonders if Dr. Lewinsky was so proud of his daughter's
ambitions and achievements last year, who is he so horrified
when the image lingers on afterward, immortalized forever.
Besides, we all know what kind of "job" a Clinton job is.
He's been doing a job on all of us for years now.
[C. J. Burke]
The Top Five Alternatives to "Getting a Lewinsky"
5. The Monica Mouthful
4. Thinging a Thong
3. Smoking the Cigar in my Pants
2. Doing unto him what Dr. Lewinsky's little girl
did unto the president.
1. Monica Number Five.
[C. J. Burke]
Thursday, October 14, 1999
The First Lady and the Subway Series
While campaigning in New York yesterday, the First New Yorker
was asked if she was asked about baseball and if she was
rooting for a "subway series".
The First Lady replied, "What's a 'subway'?"
[C. J. Burke]
Wednesday, October 13, 1999
R.I.P. Wilt Chamberlain
Wilt "the Stilt" Chamberlain passed away yesterday. Named both
"Rookie of the Year" and "Most Valuable Player" in the same season,
he was the second all-time leading scorer on the hardwood, behind
only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
Off the court, he revealed in his 1992 autobiography that he
the second all-time leading scorer, with an estimated 20,000 women,
behind only Bill Clinton.
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, October 12, 1999
When in France, Do What Canadians Do
Impeached President Bill Clinton went up to Canada last Friday,
told the assembled crowd how he was enjoying himself in "France"
(which doesn't control the French-speaking Quebec, a sore point with
the citizenry)
and
hurled an insult at the Irish.
Clinton recovered from his repeated gaffes by proclaiming,
"Well, at least I can spell potato."
[C. J. Burke]
Which would be about the only boast of his that wasn't a total lie.
Monday, October 11, 1999
Columbus Day and Thanksgiving
Today the United States observes Columbus Day, commemorating
the sailor's landing on this country 507 years ago. Impeached
President Clinton will celebrate the day with yet another apology
to the American Indians for "stealing and raping" their land.
However, no apologies have yet to planned for Mr. Broaddrick.
Meanwhile, up in Canada, the folks there are celebrating
their Thanksgiving Day. Number one on this list to be thankful
for: they don't have Bill Clinton.
[C. J. Burke]
Click here for an important note.
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