THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY ARCHIVE
Veterans Day, Interns, Mortgages, Millionaires and Arkancide
Warning: this page is currently for mature audiences. So is the
current President.
Friday, November 12, 1999
The Next Case of Arkancide?
If the last few weeks, Gov. George W. Bush had a brush with death
when he was nearly run over while out jogging, and Judicial
Watch founder Larry Klayman, who has dozens of ongoing
lawsuits against the Clinton administration, suffered a similar
experience when his car was nearly run of the road in a high speed
hit-and-run.
Given these two recent "failures", it's obvious that cars will
no longer be used to infect Clinton enemies with "the Arkansas flu".
How will they do it? Well, he is the "Elvis" president . . .
|
"They'll burn to cinders,
I.D. unknown
No dental records,
No uncharred bone.
Reduce to ashes
Scattered on the hill.
No further clashes
With president Bill..."
|
[C. J. Burke]
Thursday, November 11, 1999
Veteran's Day: Clinton and the Military
Impeached President Clinton recently said (I am not
making this up) that he believes that military service "is a plus" for
a candidate for the presidency.
Mr. Clinton then drew back on his own military experience:
watching
episodes of Gomer Pyle, U.S.M.C., both first-run and in syndication.
[C. J. Burke]
Wednesday, November 10, 1999
Financing the Clinton's New Home
As deal after deal to finance the Clintons' new Chappaqua home
came under scrutiny and as all the "Friends of Bill" seem to scatter
to the hills rather than put up collateral, the impeached president
has been looking for new ways to finance their new retirement home
and apparently he is getting desperate.
Yesterday, he was overheard shouting, "Someone get Regis
Philbin on the phone!"
[C. J. Burke]
Al Gore was sore that the Clinton undercut him yet again. Al Gore
planned on calling the "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" toll-free hotline
in a last-ditch fundraising effort.
[C. J. Burke]
Hey, Regis, here's a question you can use on your show:
"Who wrote Earth in the Balance?
A. Archimedes; B. Hirohito; C. Al Gore; D. the Unabomber."
I'd love to see the audience response to that one.
[C. J. Burke]
Tuesday, November 9, 1999
Another Intern Joke
Sam Donalson was in a White House corridor talking to Joe Lockhart
when suddenly a young woman came running down the hall at a great speed.
Right on her heals was impeached President Clinton.
"Joe? What was that all about?"
Lockhart sighed, "That's a new intern. During her interview, she
told the president that she prided herself on being chaste."
[C. J. Burke]
Monday, November 8, 1999
The Gospel of St. Matthew
You take you now to an anonymous church for yesterday's celebration
of the Sunday Mass . . .
"The Gospel of St. Matthew, chapter 25: Jesus said, "The kingdom
of God is like ten virgins . . ."
"Ya-hoo!!"
"Mr. Clinton, will you please take your seat."
[C. J. Burke]
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