THE BILL CLINTON JOKE-OF-THE-DAY FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS

Whis is this page about?

It's about poking fun about the leader of the free world as well as his wife and administration, all of whom provide an endless supply of raw material for jokes. New jokes appear three or four times a week.

Why is it called "Joke of the Day" when there isn't a new joke every day?

Originally, the page was supposed to run from August 1, 1996 through Election Day. Had Clinton lost, I might have extended it until he left office, but that was all I was intending.

However, due to popular demand and a deluge of email, I decided I'd keep going with the page as long as I could, but I had to cut back from Monday through Friday down to 3 (usually) or 4 times per week.

After the current scandal started, I've been back at 5 days, with some bonus jokes on occassional. Of course, I still take vacations.

How can I get the jokes every day?

Check the page every day, or every other day.

That's not what I meant! How do I get it mailed to me directly?

You don't. Unless you can arrange for a friend to mail it to you. Keep in mind that the material in these pages in copyrighted and that notice should remain in any forwarded mail.

So those people who send you mail that only says "subscribe" and really just wasting their time and annoying the Webmaster?"

You got it.

No, really, I want to be on the mailing list?

There is none. There is No Mailing List. You can't be on something that doesn't exist. If one starts to exist, I'll let you know. But there isn't one at this time.

Okay. I understand that. But how do I subscribe?

Believe it or not folks -- the last couple of questions are based on the numerous and repeated requests I receive every day.

Can I copy all of the jokes and post them into a newsgroup where it will really annoy those kooky liberals I know.

NO! As I said above, all material is copyrighted. You need permission before re-using anything from my pages.

You're really just another Limbaugh-wannabe Dittoheadless, aren't you?

Though I like the company I'm being compared with, the truth is that I don't listen to Rush's radio program. I can't pick up AM in my office.

Does anyone famous read your page?

Could be. I once used a joke that was submitted to me by Lucianne Goldberg. Granted, I wrote to her first and asked for one...

Do any elected officials read your page?

Probably, but only one has written me to tell me. Georgia State Rep. Burke Day, who also submitted a couple of jokes that I used. Can you guess how he stumbled across my joke page? I was hoping to hear from "Gopher" from the "Love Boat", but he's out of Congress these days.

Can I send in my own jokes?

Sure, I can use the help. But please don't send the same old jokes that have been out there since 1992. Or 1972 for that matter.

What jokes shouldn't I submit?

For starters, don't submit a joke that I've already used.

Who'd be that dumb?

You'd be surprised.

What are some "old jokes" you receive?

Well, I won't print them all, but here are some of the punchlines:

"Why don't you all jump out and make everybody happy!"
"Nice trade, sir."
"Let me see that map again."
"I'm Hillary Clinton, and you're sitting in my seat."
"No, Mr. President. I said the first pitch."
"The bad news is that it's Hillary's handwriting."
Then Hillary says, "Ooooh, Al!"
"They've opened their eyes since then"
He's gonna start dating again!
Any joke involving the words "Busy ditch"
"Chelsea Clinton."
"We use that as a ceiling fan."
"Sharon Peters."
"Save my place."
Anything involving going down on the Titanic
If she didn't spit, you must acquit.

Anything else?

Yes. Please avoid anything excessively vulgar or pornographic or involving the First Family's unusual sexual practices. Also, no jokes about Bill, Hillary and a third person conversing with the Almighty after they died tragically. No stories about Democrat puppies, kittens, or other household pets. And most importantly, jokes that have already been done!

For the record, the lawyer/politician cross-breeding joke was used, because of popular demand, at the end of August, 1996 but it is submitted at least six times a month, and often by folks who claim it's "original".

This may be overtaken by the joke with Bill and Hillary in a helicopter, throwing money out the door. The genie in the lamp in running behind them, but latecomer "Sharon Peters" is coming on strong.

Where do I send the jokes to?

Send all jokes along with any other comments, criticisms and threats to: cjburke@io.com. Thanks.

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