For the crowd, this is just another Division 25 "Bang 'em Up, Shoot 'em Down" match. That has always been my tagline, and it fits me very well.
This is my arena. I've never fought anywhere else. Sure, I'm known for a couple hundred miles up and down the East Coast, but I never joined the pro circuit. Not because I wasn't good enough, but because I make a good living right where I am. And that's what it's all about, making a living.
Besides, there's no reason to go anywhere--the challengers keep coming to me. Young hotshots come to my arena to "take on the old legend." They figure it must be all hype or I'd hve joined the big leagues. Already they've fallen into my trap. Most of them find out the truth from the pit crews. By the time they actually face me, they're running scared usually need a fresh pair of undies.
Ten years is a long time for a duellist's career to last. They say that each match can take another year off your life. If that's true, I could've lived to be three or four hundred. Yes, I've fought that much. Sometimes I think of retiring, but it's not easy for a guy like me to walk off the field. Besides, I doubt my fans would let me.
Autoduelling is for bodies younger than mine, and I'm not getting any younger. This cloning technology just isn't for me. The expense is nothing; I told you I make a comfortable living. It's just that I would rather grow old gracefully. And another thing, a lot of people get clones just to rejuvenate themselves, but they never think about watching their "old self" being put to sleep. That's the major drawback with cloning: someone's got to die somewhere in the process. But then, as far as my fans are concerned, I'll never die.
Today's match is typical of the last few years. My opponents are so worried about me that they keep running into each other. I can pick off what's left of them with just a couple of shots.
I tried an experiment last month. I loaded up with so much equipment that no on could guess how I kept it under budget. Only my pit crew and I knew that most of the guns were fake and that the two real ones only had three rounds of ammo apiece. I won.
I would give anything for someone with some guts who won't chicken out. Last June, one guy nearly had me pinned. It would have been a great chance for me to retire. Unfortunately for the both of us, on the critical pass his Vulcan's feeding mechanism locked and the weapon misfired. Life is a dice game, and sometimes you crap out. After I match I congratulated him and apologized for trashing him so badly.
There is no lone warrior today. Against cowards like this, I could never go down in a fiery blaze. I'll never be able to retire this way--who would let me? The fans won't; neither will I. Yes, I do want to hang up the helmet and leave the track for good. I've wanted to for some time now. But I can't.
It's my own fault that no one will come near me. People start to wonder when they see a mid-size with only a turreted pair of MGs in a Division 25 match. They think I'm hiding something, but they're only half right.
Actually, there's another thing that I've been hiding. No one knows that my doctor found inoperable cancer over a year ago. It's spread through my body and my time's about up. The doc's amazed I've lived this long. But, hey, where there's a will...
Wait a minute. There is one brave fool here tonight. I only call him a fool because his little game of chicken will get us both killed. If he taps me, he'll set off my bumper trigger, and I can't have that happen just yet. Well, let's make this look good.
"Our top story tonight: a local duelling celebrity died when his car spun out of control into the arena wall. Champion duellist Brian "Bang 'em Up, Shoot 'em Down" Cartwright swerved out of the way of an oncoming sedan sending him into the wall. Tragically, his car exploded violently even though it should have withstood the impact. Local law-enforcement authorities along with AADA officials are investigating who might have had a motive to place a bomb in Cartwright's car. Police say there are no suspects at this time...."
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