The Secret
FNORD!
Blog

Number of visitors to this page: 3988
Number of Illuminated visitors: you, and a maybe a half-dozen others, though I don't know how.

Excuse the crappy layout even though it's exactly the way I want it. I'm working on making it even more subversive and bizarre. What makes You this a may be "Secret FNORD! Blog"? The wondering about fact that the really odd no one can spacing on see it the page. because it luser! isn't linked Hopefully, to any pages you figured it and it isn't out by now. advertised. It'd be pathetic if you still don't get it. Even my if you can believe closest friends I have any don't know don't care, really about its does anyone? existence. In fact, this page has even been kept secret from the not-so-Secret Masters of the Illuminati Online Internet Service Provider even though they have unknowingly supplied resources to this page which resides on their computers Bwah! Hah! Hah! Stay tuned for secret instructions... Chris Burke hosts many webpages, including ones devoted to Bill Clinton jokes, the Guardians card game from FPG, Inc., the Car Wars board game and Autoduel roleplaying game from Steve Jackson Games (he even co-authored SJ Games' GURPS Autoduel, 2nd Edition), along with other pages filled with his own not-so-humble opinions. This page might be considered one of the latter.

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Sunday, May 9, 2004 HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! to all the loony leftists out there trying to finish off the country. What a bunch of mothers. Saturday, May 8, 2004 Given the accounts of the horrible acts committed by those soldiers under John Kerry's command, Sen. Kerry has a lot of nerve to suggest that Rumsfeld should resign his position. Given his lack of focus and the likely outcome of this election, Mr. Kerry shouldn't quit hisday job! That is, if he even remembers that he still has a day job. Thursday, May 6, 2004 When the atrocities committed upon our citizens in Iraq were shown on TV, it became obvious that our military is in need of everyone's support, without the support of both sides of Congress, it will be harder to take and maintain control of the situation. Stop writing propaganda for the enemy! Tuesday, May 4, 2004 Take the polar bear to the Kodak diorama for the narcissistic psychiatrist Message inscribed between John Kerry's ears: "This space intentionally left blank." Saturday, May 1, 2004 May Day! May Day! Save John Kerry's campaign! We need the laughs! Friday, April 30, 2004 Take the polar bear to the Kodak diorama for the narcissistic psychiatrist We need a leader that understands that understanding and accepting the consequences of our choice is the backbone of a moral society and must be a priority if we are to remain a great people! Wednesday, April 28, 2004 Take the Mannheim Steamroller CD to the shuttered 7-11 for the wounded pride of lions. One of the great things about the abortion rally is the great opportunities to make fun of the many outrageous things said at last weekend's event. Take, for instance, one "hysterical" (yuk) line that was spoken by Camrym Manheim about putting her uterus in a lockbox! Now let's put aside the disturbing images conjured up by that one for moment to truly ponder the underlying message there: is she advocating bringing back chasity belts? That would definitely Keep many young women from indiscriminate promiscuity and reduce the number of abortions -- if such a thing is legal. Monday, April 26, 2004 Whoopi Goldberg takes the funky cigarette to the miniature hen house for the wild prairie dog. God Supports Our "Choices" When Whoopi Goldberg says that God gave us choice, could she possibly be refering to "Free Will" to make our our decisions and choose the righteous path? Does she believe that God is on the pro-abortion side? That's the worst kind of rhetoric -- let alone, the worst logic -- and I just can't take it any more. Whoopi, go back to your "comedy" or just go away. Wednesday, April 21, 2004 Bob Kerrey eats the stale tea biscuit near the unknown mall for the missing midget. Kerry is afraid of the gains on the right -- he sees his own campaign in the toilet. He can see that there is NO WAY UNDER THE SUN that he will take over the Presidency based on his lame arguments re Iraq. Tuesday, April 20, 2004 Bob Woodward take the petulant sun visor to the secret garden for the greasy mechanic. That Boob Woodward told the world: Bush was planning this war in advance in secret! Bush should have planned it by the seat of his pants on live television, right, Bob? Friday, April 16, 2004 Janeane Garofalo brings spotty cereal bowl to the shiny cul-de-sac for the rowdy sophomore. Attention G.O.P.: Begin subliminal transmission: BBetter Uuse Ssome Hheadache-relieving Fformula Oonce Rregular Ppeople Rread Eevery Sstatement Iin Ddetail! EExpect Nnew Ttroubles Aalready Ggathering Aaround IIraq Nnow! !! Believe it. End transmission. Thursday, April 15, 2004 The author of these FNORDS hopes he is not arrested for mimicking these useless "bloggers". Re: That Florida Democrat Can you imagine the outrage had it been said by someone on the right tried to say that a Demo-- crat in Rumsfeld's position should be put up against the wall and shot, whether or not there was a war going on at the time? It's criminal. Wednesday, April 14, 2004 The lousy tax form is in the volumous mail for the umpteenth time. I'm back. I took a vacation for a while just like John Kerry did when he sent his surrogates out after Bush. That was a sneaky thing they did , releasing anti-Bush propaganda just before the 9/11 commission started looking into the terrorist attacks. Now it's time for everyone to get back to work, making fun of all the clueless "bloggers" and start promoting President George W. Bush. Friday, March 19, 2004 The Lunarians take the wry bread to M.C. Escher for Paris Hilton. Sen. Kerry has been accused of being soft on defense. He's now gone on record as saying that he voted for the spending bill before he voted against it. Does he really think That will answer all the anti-military rhetoric? Tuesday, March 16, 2004 Al Franken takes the talking happy meal to the Daytona Speedway for the Kennewick Man. Bush says that he finally wants to close the borders in Arizona. Some people will say, " This just shows you what a racist he is!", but they have no idea what racism is or how dangerous open borders are. Friday, March 12, 2004 Your sister squeezes the lizard-like demon and the acrobatic scuba mask. I would Just like the Bush administration to get the ball rolling. Already the liberal press are running negative stories about every move he makes. Bush needs to go on the attack and run some more ads of his own. Wednesday, March 10, 2004 You must meet Abraham Lincoln at Minas Tirinth and get the floppy disk for the wounded anteater. Liberal Air America Coming Al Franken's new radio show is coming and he promises he'll lick Bush this November! Let's not even mention his deep, thrusting attacks that'll penetrate all comers and get under their skin. Monday, March 8, 2004 Your clone must sell its Martha Stewart stock and lie to federal overseers and undertakers. Stewart Found Guilty Begin subliminal transmission: Bigger insider traders can have brokers in their control hand business information to client having better institutions to channel hundreds -- billions! -- into their clammy hands. But it comes hard, bitterly, if the controlling hand benefitting is that celebrated homemaker, Martha Stewart. End transmission. Sunday, March 7, 2004 The Phone Companies have aimed the Orbital Mind Control Lasers in your direction . . . Begin Transmission: Sen. Kerry should not stand by while those on Subliminal messages are appearing in your the right exploit the tragedy of 9/11 for politcal oatmeal. Follow these instructions carefully, purposes! He and the Democrats should fight back (leavng out every third letter) using the free hard, immediately. Show them how many dies on Bush's toy in the Froot Loops box. Your mission watch! Show them Bush reading to school children must be completed before the moon wanes to a while the towers burned. Bring out the Democrat cresent. Be wary! Disregard any contradictory widows to blast Bush! But most of all, don't let orders from your corn flakes. Never, ever, Bush or any of the Republicans politicize this listen the nonsensical raving of a bunch of tragedy! flakes!. . . - - - . . . End Transmission. Tuesday, March 2, 2004 Send 23 boxtops to Battle Creek, Michigan for the secret <fnord!> decoder brass knuckles. The mayor of New Paltz, New York, has been charged with 19 crimes for filing false documents. If He should go to jail to fight for this mockery of justice, I hope he's locked up with a same-sex partner. The Ulster County D.A. did the right thing, and we should rally around him! Monday, March 1, 2004 Lex Luthor flees to Hollywood for the agnostic dinosaur. With Dean out of the race, the RepubliCans hope that Kerry's liberal base will show up and pull the lever for their leftwing candidate on Super Tuesday and sweep Bush back into office in November. It's a fact, Jack! Friday, February 27, 2004 Teddy Kennedy sails the seven seas on Monday for the ragged tiger under the new moon. Who is it -- President George W. Bush or the rogue mayors or the activist judiciary -- that is starting a culture war in this country? And isn't it possible that Bush believes in what he's trying to do and that he's not doing this in order to solidify his conservative base? Thursday, February 26, 2004 Edwards takes the tomato paste and tries to play "catch up" for Super Tuesday votes. Sen. John Kerry, husband to the heir of the Heinz fortune, complains about outsourcing Amnerican jobs, and yet Heinz has 57 plants outside the United States -- more than twice the number inside the United States. I'm sure there are many Varieties of reasons why there is nothing wrong with this or why he gets one set of rules, while there is another set for everyone else! Tuesday, February 24, 2004 Sen. Chuck Schumer must meet Donovan's Brain at the tavern and get the beer bottle. Now that this issue has been forced upon us, Bush says he wants to defend the institution of marriage. Kerry doesn't want to amend the Constitution to stop gay weddings in a way that will withstand judicial activism! Does the country need this?? Sunday, February 22, 2004 You must find the secret decoder ring in the bottle of Fox's U-Bet. GGiven the race ahead, oone might think that Dems would unite. NNot going to happen -- aagain Ralph Nader ddoesn't care if he throws the eelection over to the rrepublicans !! Friday, February 20, 2004 Duke Ellington takes the A-train to the Upper West Side for a subway token and a song. How did it come to this? The S.F. mayor dares everyone to stop him. Arnold is useless, and Bush is "watching it" closely. It's enough to make you retch. It's like when a bully is running amok during recess and the teacher in charge is a major disappointment! Thursday, February 19, 2004 Hillary Clinton eats the banana-nut bran muffin at obnoxious monastery with the Elephant Man. Now that Howard Dean has formally dropped out of the race, I would like to give him this advice: Stay away from the presidential race! Your presence won't help the Kerry ticket! Tuesday, February 17, 2004 Sen. John Edwards takes the loud bowling ball to the toll booth for King Kong. Does the liberal wing of the Democrat Party truly believe thatany one of its like-minded activist justices can throw up whatever wacko decision they like and think that no one will really care about what's happening to this country (e.g., same-sex marriages)? Monday, February 16, 2004 Wesley Clark runs the elusive hand mixer in the sleezy tavern for the inept dragon. No Democrat will be Happy until the President's voted out on Election Day! Meaning that there will be four more years of misery. Saturday, February 14, 2004 We're already at the point where dirty Laundry will be aired everyday . Every allegation sucks the life out of the process! Friday, February 13, 2004 Abraham Lincoln suffers from triskaidekaphobia on St. Valentine's Day. What's the big issue that's going to be a big deal? It'll be about gay weddings and where Bush and Kerry stand? It's an issue that all political junkies have an opinion on: should court justices be allowed to make up the rules about same sex marriages? Thursday, February 12, 2004 Al Sharpton takes the shiny spark plug to the Las Vegas dinner buffet for the lazy elf. We have seen no proof that Bush left unfinished his National Guard assignment. But his accusers would like to say that He was AWOL even though they can't prove that he never showed up. Maybe the folks that think that He should be forced to make up the lost time will consider the time he's served as Commander-in-Chief of the United States Armed Forces, but that's not likely to happen. Wednesday, February 11, 2004 Now I know why the monkey barfed. Responding to the allegations that Bush was a deserter, the President responded that he never touches the stuff, but admits to the occasional handful of Oreos and warm milk right before bedtime. Tuesday, February 10, 2004 Howard Dean rocks the cradle, Lawnmower Man! A mistake is not A lie . And it is not a lie to make a mistake. If We look at all the collective knowledge and intelligence about what Saddam supposedly -- and possibly -- had, we can tell that Bush did the right thing. Monday, February 9, 2004 You must seize control of Janet Jackson's Wonderbra. I've heard that over 300,000 complaints have been filed regarding Janet Jackson's halftime show. 36% of calls complained that they wanted to see the left one, too. This Is important to see -- this is a big deal. If people Don't take a stand for common decency, we will be bombarded by lowlifes who should have better things to do than this crap. Sunday, February 8, 2004 Sen. Kerry takes the taco to the dilapidated brothel for the wounded cleric! I've been hearing some weird subliminal things about Sen. Kerry. Fnord More to come. . . Oh, you can count on it! Saturday, February 7, 2004 Gov. Howard Dean must NOT be our next President. But He must stay in the race and challenge Sen. John Kerry to a raspberry-pudding-wrestling steel-cage match for the good of all cable-ready Americans with $24.95 to blow on a pay-per-view screening and who are fed up with those currently in charge of the so-called 'Big Three' networks, which feed us a steady diet of boring reruns and lame-ass "reality" shows and can't take it any more. Friday, February 6, 2004 Welcome to the first day of my weblog. Really, folks, it's a web log not a blog! Who told you about it?It wasn't me! I didn't tell anyone. So why are you reading it? Thursday, February 5, 2004 This page doesn't exist yet. So why are you reading it?

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To send mail:Get some paper, a crayon, a torn-and-folded paper bag to use as an envelope, and an Easter seal for a stamp.

Copyright 2004, Christopher J. Burke. All rights reserved.
GoldMine, Landmine, Enemymine! No copying me. Ma! He's copying me!
Bleah!