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Introductory Page

Grand Master's Editorial
Grand Master's Introduction

March 31, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #28

Here is quick primer on the subject of radiation.

Since terrorists may use radioactive materials in their attacks, it is important for everyone to understand the three principal means of defense against radiation exposure and contamination.

The first defense is time.  The longer that you remain exposed to the radioactive material, the more damage it will do your body.  Therefore, the simplest means of defense is to limit the amount of time that you are exposed to the "hot" source.

The second defense is distance.  The greater the distance you put between yourself and the radiation source, the better.  The inverse square law applies.  Doubling the distance from the radioactive material reduces exposure to one-quarter.

The third defense is shielding.  Placing a barrier between yourself and the radioactive material will protect you from the radiation it emits.  The amount of shielding needed depends on the type of radiation.  A wall of dense material (such as lead, steel, or concrete) several feet thick usually can block the worst that the radioactive material can throw at you. 
 

March 24, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #27

Here is quick primer on the subject of radiation.

Since terrorists may use radioactive materials in their efforts to kill civilian populations, it is important for everyone to understand the terminology.

Let us begin by defining two commonly heard terms:  Exposure and contamination.

Exposure means that one's body has come sufficienly close to a radioactive substance so as to be affected by the radiation it emits.

Contamination means that a person or object has been covered in radioactive materials, such as the fallout from a nuclear bomb.

The distinction is important.  If one has wandered into an exposure area, one can preclude further exposure simply by moving away from the source of radiation.

On the other hand, if one has been contaminated with radioactive particles, he will continue to be exposed to radiation until the contaminants are removed from his person.  This is accomplished by a process is called decontamination.

I will have more to say on the subject of radiation in the next anti-terrorist mini-editorial.
 

March 17, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #26

Though it is statistically unlikely, it could happen.

One day, you might find yourself in the aftermath of a terrorist attack.  Here is how you can be a good witness.

First and foremost, protect yourself and your family.  You will be of little use to the police as a witness if you are dead.  Stay under cover until the shooting stops.

The above having been said, keep all five senses working.  Observe and memorize anything and everything you can.

Naturally, the most important things to note are the people who flee the scene and the vehicles that carry them.

Be aware that police distinguish between permanent features and temporary features.  Permanent features are features that cannot be changed, whereas temporary features can be changed.  For a person, permanent features would be such things as height, eye color, and complexion.  Temporary features would be such things as clothing, facial hair, jewelry, and even weight.

Naturally, some temporary features can be changed more readily than others.  A perpetrator can more readily shed clothing than shed pounds.

The same applies to the getaway vehicle.  Permanent features would be such things as year, make, and model.  Temporary features would be such things as color, license plates, dented fenders, and bumper stickers.  Again, it is easier to peel off a bumper sticker than to repair a dented fender.

Once you have observed and commited to memory all that you can, write it down while it is still fresh in your mind.  Use any available piece of paper (back of a check, sheet of newspaper, back of a cash register receipt).  In a pinch, write it on your forearm.  But one way or another, commit what you saw to writing.

As you record your observations, record only your observations.  This is no time to be engaging in analysis, speculation, or guessing.  In the spirit of Sgt. Friday, write down "just the facts".

Finally - and this is crucial - do not engage in conversation with other witness or the media.  Simply inform the police that you saw something that may be important, and let the detectives de-brief you.  Talking with other witnesses cannot help but cloud your observations.  More importantly, talking to other witnesses may lead to your (possible) future testimony in court being disallowed on grounds of collusion.

In this war against terrorism, each and every one of us is on the front lines.  Do your part by being a good citizen - and a good witness.
 

March 10, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #25

As you go about your daily routine, be aware that terrorists and the organizations that sponsor them will use any device or deception to further their aims.

They are not even beyond corrupting charitable organizations as a means of obtaining money.

Americans must be extremely wary of any solicitations they receive from organizations claiming to be doing good works.

As a means of separating you from your money, they may profess any number of humanitarian objectives.  But once the funds leave your hands, who knows where that money will end up - and for what purposes?

Criminals sometimes use charity scams to take advantage of other people's goodness.  But whereas a criminal grifter will spend the money on himself, a terrorist organization will use the money to kill innocent people.  Perhaps one of your countrymen.  Perhaps a member of your family.  Perhaps you.

The only practical solution is to know where your money is going.  If you have the slightest doubt as to what a particular charity will do with the money, then DO NOT CONTRIBUTE! 

Remember, your country comes first.
 

March 3, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #24

In our previous Anti-terrorist mini-editorial (#23), we considered which system of the martial arts would be the most effective against terrorists.

The system that I recommend is an obscure, but highly effective, form of unarmed self-defense called Krav Maga.

Krav Maga, IMHO, is the system best suited to the war on terrorism because it emphasizes instinctive reaction, rapid response, and practical technique.  Most importantly, Krav Maga is specifically designed to deal with real-life situations.

If you need a recommendation beyond my own, consider this:  Krav Maga is the official system of unarmed self-defense of the Israeli Defense Forces.
 

February 24, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #23

In order to be better prepared for terrorist attacks, twenty-first century Americans, military and civilian alike, must acquire more training in the arts of unarmed self defense.

Many different systems of the martial arts are practiced in the modern world.  Ninjutsu, Kung Fu, Muay Thai Boxing - the list seems endless.  And each system has its own principles, objectives,  and disciplines.

So which system would be the best to learn in order to foil terrorist attacks?

First, you have to realize what is involved in fighting terrorists.  Fighting terrorists is not a Karate match, where you need only land a blow two inches from your opponent.  It is not an Aikido demonstration on soft mats.  It is not a Brazilian Ju-Jitsu bout with a referee to keep things under control.

No, battling terrorists is an ugly business.  It is brutal.  It is nasty.  It is down and dirty.

Battling terrorists is a kill-or-be-killed struggle.  The only prize the winner gets is his life.  The only penalty the loser suffers is his death.

So then, what form of unarmed self-defense do I recommend?  I will tell you in the next anti-terrorist mini-editorial.
 

February 17, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #22

This is the third of an occassional series about nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons, their effects, and potential.

Plague

Rare but serious  illness.

Produced by bacterium Yersinia pestis.

Occurs naturally, can be spread by fleas biting humans after having previously bitten an infected rat.

Probably more feared for its reputation than for its potential as a biological weapon.

One form of plague, known as bubonic plague, killed about 25 million people in mid-14th century Europe.  It was called The Black Death because one of the symptoms of the disease was swollen lymph nodes.  The swollen lymph nodes, called buboes, left the black marks on the skin.  Bubonic plague is caused by the bacillus Pasteurellis pestis.

Early symptoms include fever, malaise, headaches, and extremely swollen, tender lymph nodes..

Later symptoms include respiratory failure and shock.

Weaponized form is aerosolized.

Symptoms appear two to ten days after exposure.

If diagnosed early, plague can be treated with antibiotics.
 

February 10, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #21

This is the second of an occassional series about nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons, their effects, and potential.

Blood Agents

Blood agents are a class of chemical warfare agents that are designed to interfere with the body's ability to absorb oxygen into the bloodstream.

Among the better known blood agents are the chemicals hydrogen cyanide and cyanogen chloride.

In sufficiently high concentrations, inhalation of the chemical vapors can cause death within minutes of exposure.

The weaponized form is usually liquified, designed to be delivered by artillery shells, which vaporize the chemical upon detonation.

Antidotes must be administered intravenously, but are highly effective.

The chemicals in blood agents are highly volatile and are lethal only in large doses.  Consequently, their use as military or terrorist weapons is considered limited.
 

February 3, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #20

How can you tell if a parcel that you have received in the mail is a package bomb?  Look for the following:

Excessive postage - Terrorists often put far too much postage on a package bomb so as to make sure that it gets through the mail and to its destination.

Bad grammar - If the writing on the package looks as though it were written by a fourth-grader, that could mean that a terrorist addressed the package.  Be alert also to packages addressed to "The dirty swine of an infidel who lives at...".  It's a clue.

Uneven script - Arabic script is written right to left.  Chinese script is written top to bottom.  This could make it awkward for an individual addressing the package in Western script, which is written left to right.

Lack of return address - For obvious reasons.

Packing twine - Modern packaging materials have made the use of packing twine obsolete.  The use of packing twine suggests strongly that the package was mailed from outside the civilized world.

Stained or oily wrapper - Stains or oils on the plain brown wrapper suggest strongly that chemicals - possibly explosive chemicals - are leaking from within.

Protruding wires or metal parts - These could be bomb components.

Noises within the package - Ticking or humming or electronic chirps coming from within the package are a good reason to step back from the package.

If you have the slightest suspicion that you have received a package bomb, leave it alone and call the police.  The bomb squad will take the package to an isolated area and detonate it.

And for the love of God, do not do anything amateurish like placing the package into a bucket of water.  The terrorists could anticipate this move and rig the bomb to explode upon contact with water.
 

January 27, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #19

This is the first of an occassional series about nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons, their effects, and potential.

Botulism

Rare but serious paralytic illness.

Produced by bacterium Clostridium botulinum.

Occurs naturally in improperly canned foods.

Early symptoms include blurred/doubled vision, drooping eyelids, slurred speech, difficulty swallowing, dry mouth, muscle weakness.

Later symptoms include paralysis of the arms, legs, trunk, and respiratory muscles.

Weaponized form is aerosolized.

Symptoms would appear 12 to 72 hours after exposure.

If diagnosed early, botulism can be treated by means of antitoxin.
 

January 20, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #18

In the previous anti-terrorist mini editorial (#17, for January 13, 2002), we discussed one matter involving nuclear power plants.  Here, we will discuss another.

Nuclear power plants distribute to those living in the immediate vicinity tablets of potassium iodide.  If you have been distributed potassium iodide tablets, store them in your medicine cabinet where you can get to them quickly in the event of a nuclear emergency.

The purpose of the potassium iodide tablets is to protect your thyroid gland from becoming cancerous.  When you take a potassium iodide tablet, your thyroid gland absorbs the iodine.  With your thyroid gland saturated with non-radioactive iodine, there will be no room left for any radioactive iodine.  The radioactive iodine will pass through your system quickly, with no damage done to your thyroid gland.

Keep the vial with you.  An adult should take one 130 mg tablet every twenty-four hours for the duration of the nuclear emergency.  Children should take a proportionately smaller dose (based on their age and weight).  Pregnant or lactating women also can (and should) take potassium iodide tablets, though only under strict medical supervision.
 

January 13, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #17

One of the ways that the terrorists might seek to spread terror is by sabotaging our nation's nuclear power plants.

The degree to which such actions will be effective in spreading terror will depend in part on your knowledge of how nuclear power plants operate.  The less you know, the more easily you can be terrified.

Let me debunk one popular myth.

Many people believe that it is possible for a nuclear power plant to explode like an atomic bomb.  This is most decidedly NOT the case.

It is all physics.  The element that fuels most Western nuclear power plants is the radioactive isotope uranium-235.  Uranium-235 constitutes only 0.6% of naturally occurring uranium.

In order for uranium-235 to undergo an uncontrolled chain reaction and explode a la Hiroshima, it must be enriched to a concentration of at least 90%.

But in a nuclear power generating facility, the uranium-235 is enriched to a concentration of only around 3.5%.  The low concentration is the reason why a nuclear power plant cannot explode like a nuclear bomb.  Expressed in the simplest terms, a nuclear power plant simply doesn't have enough poop to pop. 

And mind you, I am talking about absolutes, not probabilities.  I am not saying that it is statistically unlikely that a nuclear power plant will explode like an atomic bomb. Rather, I am saying that it is PHYSICALLY IMPOSSIBLE for a nuclear power plant to explode like a nuclear bomb.

Please do not misunderstand what I am saying.  Terrorists could do any number of things to a nuclear power plant that might endanger the community.  They could cause a core meltdown.  They could rupture the containment vessel.  They could release radioactive elements into the evironment.

But explode it like a nuclear bomb?  No way.  Can't happen.

So now, you have one less thing about which to be concerned.  One less thing to hinder your resolve.

As always, you're welcome.
 

January 6, 2002

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #16

In order for America to win the war against terrorism, all Americans must improve themselves, both mentally and physically.

And one physical skill that could be improved is a physical skill that is so obvious and so natural, it is frequently dismissed or overlooked:  Holding one's breath.

I'm serious.  As part of a terrorist attack, the enemy might seek to neutralize everyone in a given area by means of knockout gas - or perhaps even deadly gas.  You may not have time to get your hands on a gas mask or other chemical gear - but you will have time to take a deep beath and hold it.

By filling your lungs with air, you will be able to escape the area - or at least "play possum" until an opportunity arises (hopefully quickly) to escape.

But just how does one go about improving one's ability to hold one's breath?

The best method is the usual method:  Practice, practice, practice.

Go to a swimming pool (yours, a neighbor's, or a municipal pool) and practice holding your breath while under water.

It is best to take along a friend.  In that way, the two of you can alternate turns (one practices holding his breath while the other times him).  Making the practice competitive will make the training go faster.  And each of you can look out for the other in case the game gets too competitive.

Who knows?  After a few months of this training, you may be able to double the amount of time that you can remain underwater.

Increasing by just one minute the amount of time that you can hold your breath may mean the diffference between dying like a stuck pig and escaping to go for help - or maybe even thwarting the terrorists' plan yourself!
 

December 30, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #15

In the war on terrorism, it is vital that all Americans maintain their resolve to see through to the end what is certain to be a multi-year conflict.  If we allow our resolve to lag, our political leaders may lose their sense of urgency.

Unfortunately, maintaining one's resolve at such a high level is not an easy thing to do.  Although an American's patriotic spirit never wanes, the actions by which one expresses one's patriotism can become wearying over time, even when done in moderation.  That is to say, one can attend only so many rallies and parades before becoming fatigued - mentally as well as physically.

And that is precisely what the terrorists are hoping will happen.

So, how does one maintain one's patriotic resolve without wearing oneself down?

The way to do it is to do something daily that is patriotically meaningful - yet easily accomplished.

Here is how I do it.  I have a small 2' x 3' American flag that is attached permanently to an aluminum pole.  The pole fits into a bracket that I have affixed permanently to the stone wall outside of my front door. 

Every morning (weather permitting), I unfurl the flag and set it into the bracket as I go out to get the morning paper.  Come dusk, I bring in the flag along with the evening mail.

As I unfurl it, I take a moment to remember the victims of 9/11.  As I bring it in for the night, I take another moment to remember our armed forces personnel, who are battling the terrorists.

Thus, with just a minute's expenditure of time each day, I keep the spirit alive in my own small way.  And in doing so, I maintain my resolve to see the terrorists crushed.

You can use my method or devise one of your own.  But however you do it, keep the spirit alive.
 

December 23, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #14

In the aftermath of the 9/11 attacks, one question has come up in the public discourse:  What should we do with Ground Zero?

Some have suggested erecting smaller buildings on the site.  Some have suggested dedicating a memorial park for the victims.  Some have suggested a combination of the two.

All of these suggestions have merit.  But here is what I advocate:

Total rebuilding.  Put the World Trade Center (both towers) back up exactly as they were before.

Why, you ask?  Simple.  If we do it any other way, the terrorist win.  They will be able to tell their followers that they (the terrorists), not we (the Americans) had the final say as to what was built on that spot. 

Besides denying them a victory, there is no better way to stick it to the terrorists and their sponsors.  When their brainwashed followers see the skyline of New York with their own eyes, they will wonder what happened.

So I say, rebuild completely.  And exactly as it was, if not taller.
 

December 16, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #13

A quickie self-defense lesson:

Although it is statisically unlikely, any one of us could find himself in a situation that requires confronting a terrorist mano-a-mano.

If that is the case, remember this above all else - do not look into the terrorist's eyes.

Why you ask?  Simple.  The terrorist's eyes are not the problem.  The problem is the terrorist's hands and feet, which are loaded to bear with both weapons and martial arts skills.  It is the hands and feet that can do damage, not the head.  Keep your eyes at all times on that which can do damage.

Thankfully, it will not be much of a problem to remember this rule.  Terrorists invariably are the most physically ugly people you will ever meet (which explains why the terrorists are so receptive to that seventy-two virgins in paradise con).  In other words, you are unlikely to want to look at his face in any case.  Advantage good guys.
 

December 9, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #12

In the previous Grand Master's Editorial, we discussed the matter of blood donation.

When the World Trade Center and the Pentagon were attacked, many injuries resulted.  Americans lined up in droves at regional blood centers to donate their red stuff.

Naturally, the blood centers did not turn anyone away.  Largely because, at the time, they had no way to know exactly how many casualties there would be (up to 50,000 people worked in the World Trade Center).

Later estimates reduced considerably the number of dead and injured.  That was the good news.  The bad news was, more blood had been donated than could be used.

Here are the facts:  Even if kept under proper refrigeration, whole blood is viable for only six weeks. 

Blood centers have to fight constantly a never-ending battle between supply and demand.  If not enough blood is donated to meet the immediate demand, patients will be in need.  But if too much blood is donated, some of that blood may end up going to waste.

How does a health care system keep the supply of blood and the demand for blood in balance?

Obviously, one buffer is elective surgery.  Non-essential surgeries (such as plastic or cosmetic surgery) can be postponed during times of blood shortages.  But the real key is to maintain a continuous flow of the red stuff so that supply and demand are balanced as exactly as possible at all times. 

And here is what you can do to help. 

Leave your telephone number with the blood center and give them permission to call you whenever a shortage of your blood type occurs.  As I said, in a refrigerator, whole blood is good for only forty-two days.  But in a healthy adult, blood is replenished continuously.  To put it another way, your body stores a reserve supply of blood that can be tapped every eight weeks.

If you and enough of your countrymen allow yourselves to be put on stand-by, then never again will our country suffer shortages of this vital commodity.  And that will be just one more finger into the terrorist's eye.
 

December 2, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #11

The terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001 resulted in an enormous number of casualties, both dead... and wounded.

Upon hearing of the injuries inflicted on their countrymen, Americans lined up in droves at regional blood centers.  Everyone from political leaders to pro athletes to movie stars to just plain folks rolled up their sleeves and let the red stuff flow.  It was an inspiring sight that demonstrated the high regard with which civilized nations hold life.  And it is exactly that high regard for life that will spur us on to victory over terrorism.

Donating blood truly is one of the most noble and altruistic acts a human being can perform, simply because there is no other source of blood save volunteer donors.  Every person who is physically able to donate blood has long had the moral duty to donate blood. 

But since September 11, much more is at stake because we are now at war.  American soldiers are going to have to engage battle against the terrorists and the nations that support them.  This means that our fighting forces are going to suffer casualties; including many wounded who will need blood to survive.

Because a continuous supply of blood is crucial to the effort against terrorism, donating blood has become more crucial than ever.  What formerly was simply a moral duty has now become also a patriotic duty.  I say again, anyone who is physically able to donate blood should donate blood.

However, there is a right way and a wrong way to go about the process - as I will explain in the next Grand Master's Editorial.
 

November 25, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #10

All terrorists are trained in a variety of skills to enable them accomplish their heinous acts.  One of the skills they are taught is the martial arts.  All terrorists are trained in hand-to-hand combat.  Perhaps not to the level of a professional soldier; but certainly enough to enable him to fend off in singular combat about 95% of the men who might be called upon to challenge him.

Therefore, let me give you a quickie self-defense lesson. 

The single most effective punch one human being can throw at another (or, that one human being can throw at a terrorist) is not the venerable "knuckle sandwich", but rather a punch executed with the heel of the hand.  That is, bend back your wrist as far as you can, putting the heel of your hand foremost. 

Throw the punch by beginning with the heel of the hand at your torso and then thrusting it straight forward as fast and as forcefully as you can.

Oh, and at what are you aiming?

Your target is the place where terrorists get 95% of their food.  That is correct.  The underside of his nose.  Your objective is to punch his great big honker and bend it back into his tiny little skull.

This punch may not sound effective, but it has proven itself through trial and error.  The nose can be smushed with relative ease because the nose has no bone, only cartilage.  The nose is the single most sensitive area on any mammal.  A number of nerve endings are found in that area; nerve endings that can be scrambled by a well-placed blow, leaving your opponent stunned.  Even a moderate blow can break his schnozz wide open, resulting in a gush of blood coming from his food chutes - and giving him one more thing that he has to think about.

This punch offers so many advantages, it is difficult to list them all.  Kinesiologically speaking, this is the most powerful punch a human being can throw, all other things being equal.  Since you do not put your shoulder into the punch, your blow will not be telegraphed to your opponent.  Because it is thrown straight forward, it is difficult to parry.  It can be thrown equally well with either hand.  Though it is most effective when thrust forward, it also can be thrown uppercut style with astonishingly devastating effect.  You can throw this punch with a quickness that even you may find surprising.  Perhaps not as fast as Bruce Lee could throw a punch; but plenty fast enough to inflict severe damage.  If need be, you can throw the punch again and again and again in rapid-fire sequence, bending back his buzzard beak ten or more times in just five seconds!  And the best thing about the punch is this:  It can be thrown with full effect even while you are lying on your back with your opponent's entire weight on top of you.  All that you need is one free hand, and you are in business.  90-pound women have used this punch to convince 200-pound rapists to get themselves lost.

One caveat:  What I have just told you, the terrorist already knows.  He can use this punch against you as well as you can use it against him.  Therefore, your first order of business is to make him believe that you do not know this move.
 

November 18, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #9

All American citizens - indeed, all of the citizens of the civilized world - have been charged with the responsibility of staying alert and keeping an eye open for any suspicious people or activities in our midst.

Here is one thing for which you should be watchful:  Anyone who is dressed inappropriately for the weather.  Specifically, anyone who is wearing an overcoat on a hot day.  Weapons could be concealed easily beneath such full-length garments.
 

November 11, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #8

After America finishes cleaning out the terrorist nests in Afghanistan, the United States will move on to clean the terrorist nests out of the next nation that harbors terrorists.

The question has been raised, "Should we not make certain that there is a connection between the September 11 attacks on America and the terrorist enclaves in a nation?"

And the answer to that question is... no.

The United States need not establish that a connection exists between the next terrorist enclave in our sights and the September 11 attacks.  This notion is called the "9/11 trap" and it is intended to sap America's resolve. 

All that the United States needs to do is to establish that the terrorist organization we are targeting poses a threat to American lives or property.  Once that is done, we can proceed.
 

November 4, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #7

While it is statistically unlikely that you will be present when a terrorist bomb explodes, it is not beyond the realm of possibility.  You should, therefore, be aware of this fact:  If one terrorist bomb goes off in a particular area, there is a good chance that a second bomb will explode in the same area about fifteen minutes or so later.

Why is this, you ask?  It is all part of their fiendish plan.  The terrorists know that when a bomb explodes, police, fire, and medical personnel will converge on the scene.  And so, they rig a second bomb to explode about the same time that the area will be swarming with rescue personnel, with the deliberate intention of killing and maiming as many police officers, firefighters, and medical technicians as possible.

Therefore, should a terrorist bomb explode near you, leave the vicinity at once, of course.  But as you do so, keep your eyes open for suspicious-looking objects.  If you spot anything that might possibly be the follow-up bomb, notify the police at once.  Through this simple act of watchfulness, you may save lives - and make the terrorist attack that much less successful.
 

October 28, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #6

About 2500 years ago, a Chinese warlord/philosopher named Sun Tzu wrote The Art of War, the definitive treatise on the nature of human conflict.

The Art of War, IMHO, ranks second only to the United States Constitution as the greatest single work of genius in human history.  In straightforward, no-nonsense prose, Master Sun lays out exactly how to confront and defeat any enemy that one might be facing.  It is worth noting that there has never been a single instance in human history that has disproved a single one of Master Sun's principals.

In Sun Tzu's philosophy, all conflicts are military conflicts; therefore, all conflicts are conducted according to military rules.  Whether your struggle is a boardroom battle, a schoolyard fight, a romantic rivalry... or the battle against terrorism, Master Sun's classic will guide you - and our country - to victory.

The Art of War can be read in a single day, yet provide you with a lifetime's worth of wisdom.  With America now at war against terrorism, reading The Art of War has become - quite literally - a patriotic duty.  The book can be purchased at any good bookstore for a nominal fee, or can be checked out of the public library.

If you are a patriotic American, you owe it to your country to read The Art of War at first opportunity.  Our enemies read The Art of War.  For that reason alone, you should too.
 

October 21, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #5

Arabic.  Chinese.  Farsi.

Those are the languages of terrorism.

When terrorists need to communicate with each other, they likely will use one of the three languages listed above.

Winning the war against terrorism will require the successful translation of the documents they pass, and intepretation of the words they speak.

If you happen to have a knack for languages, your country needs you to serve as interpreters.  Who knows?  By translating a single document, you may be able to thwart a terrorist attack on your hometown.  Your friends.  Your family.

We need every American to sign on to the battle, only especially those who have a flair for Arabic, Chinese, or Farsi.

The languages of terrorism.
 

October 14, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #4

Because all of the perpetrators of the September 11 attacks were of Middle Eastern origin, all Americans of Middle Eastern descent now have acquired - whether they like it or not - what I term "special" patriotic duties.  By "special", I mean patriotic duties that only those of the same ethnic background as the terrorists can fulfill. 

First, while it is unlikely that any of your friends or associates will speak publicly in support of Osama bin Laden, you never can tell.  Should you hear such talk, your special patriotic duty is to stand up for the United States by denouncing anyone who speaks in support of the terrorists.  He has the right of free speech.  But so do you.  Counter his lies with the truth.  If his lies go unchallenged, they may - like any other cancer - spread.

Second, terrorists are known to rendevous in mosques or Islamic culture centers, knowing that non-Moslems are not permitted inside.  Therefore, if you are inside one of these buildings and you overhear Ali talking to Ahkmed about the virtues of anthrax, your special patriotic duty is to report them to the authorities without delay.

Third, if you have family and friends still living in "the old country", your special patriotic duty is to write to them frequently and show support for the American position.  Emphasize especially these points:  Assure them that our enemy is not the entire Arab world or the religion of Islam.  Our enemies are the terrorists and the regimes that give them support and sanctuary.

In this case, your special patriotic duty is also a humanitarian one.  Remind your friends and family overseas not to participate in any jihads the bin Ladens of the world may declare.  Remember, if any of your friends or family members take up arms in defense of the terrorists, they will themselves be deemed terrorists under President Bush's "no middle ground" principle:  Either you are on our side or the side of the terrorists.  Besides, the only thing that will result from participating in a jihad on behalf of Osama bin Laden will be to stand before Allah knowing that your last act in life was to protect a mass murderer from justice.

Remember this always:  The United States of America - your country - now is at war with the forces of international terrorism.  And in times of war, patriotism is not the most important consideration - it is the only consideration.

Do your duty - special or ordinary.
 

October 7, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #3

The civilized world is about to engage in a war against the forces of terrorism.

Will we win?

The only honest answer to that question is - only time will tell.

But can we win?

The answer to that question is a resounding YES!

The attacks on September 11, 2001 were successful.  In fact, they may well have been too successful for the terrorists' own good.

Previous terrorist attacks have been deadly, but apparently not deadly enough to get our attention.  We have expressed outrage at such attacks, but have taken no action.

This time it is different.

The September 11 attacks took thousands of lives - on American soil - and in front of a live television audience.

Like the attack on Pearl Harbor, the terrorists crossed a threshhold that resulted in an outpouring of patriotism the likes of which this country has not seen since December 7, 1941.

Moreover, citizens of more than 80 nations were lost in the collapse of the twin towers of the World Trade Center.  Those nations - indeed, all civilized nations on this planet - now realize that they are vulnerable.  They now know that if they do not defeat the forces of terrorism, they may well be the next target. 

For reasons both moral and pragmatic, they now have joined the United States in a world-wide coalition to wipe out the forces of terrorism, whereever they may be..

In short, no other enemy of the United States can be said to have gotten off to a worse start.

So can we win?

YES, we can.
 

September 30, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #2

According to recent polling data, some 90% of Americans support the new war against terrorism.

But what about the other 10%?

They are the pacifists.  You get them in every war.  A certain percentage of the public will always be able to fabricate all kinds of rationalizations for not coming to the defense of their country.  Some pacifists say that the United States brought this attack on themselves by its interventionist foreign policy.  Some blame our support for the state of Israel.  Some accuse us of trying to start a racial and/or religious war.  Some attest that this has something to do with GATT, NAFTA, and the WTO.

But, whatever their excuses, the pacifists' declarations all have one thing in common:  They offer no alternatives to solving the problem before us.

During World War II, pacifists were asked, "If you don't wish to go to war, how then do you plan to stop Hitler from taking over the world?"

They had no response - except silence.

For this new anti-terrorist war, the question to ask the pacifists is, "If you don't wish to go to war, how then do you plan to stop the terrorists from continuing to commit mass murder?"

Like their WW II counterparts, they will have no response - except silence.  The blessed silence.
 

September 23, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #1

We got beaten, and we got beaten badly.

There is no way to sugarcoat the attacks of September 11, 2001; nor does it do us any good to do so.

We got beaten, and we got beaten badly.

The question is, what happens now?

In his powerful speech to the nation, President George W. Bush outlined the problem facing the civilized world and what must be done about it.

We, the people of the United States, must do everything in our power to destroy all terrorists everywhere.

To accomplish that objective, each and every American must show our enemies that we are as determined to destroy them as they were to destroy us.  We must remain supportive of our nation and its commander-in-chief even when we suffer setbacks (as inevitably we will).  We must stay unflinchingly resolute, even in the face of the enormously challenging task ahead of us.  But more than anything else, every American must maintain absolute certitude of the moral correctness of our cause. 

The same steadfast courage that enabled us to become the greatest nation in the history of the world will now serve us well as we defend those whom we love; what we have built; and what we are.

It is the duty of every American who claims to be a patriot to defend our nation with uncompromising, unfaltering vigor in the face of this foreign - indeed, alien - foe.
 

September 16, 2001

Anti-terrorist mini-editorial #0

As you all know by now, America has been attacked by the forces of terrorism.  Commercial aircraft, hijacked by terrorists and converted for their use into suicide missiles, brought down the twin towers of the World Trade Center in New York City, and damaged severely the Pentagon in Washington, D.C.  A fourth hijacked aircraft, probably also intended to be used in a kamikaze attack on another important target, crashed in the state of Pennsylvania with no additional injuries to anyone on the ground - apparently as the consequence of an attempt by passengers to retake the craft.

Whether we like it or not, the United States is now in a war against the forces of terrorism.  America must now lead the civilized world in a counterstrike to rout each and every individual, group, or nation state that would engage in, or give support to, acts of terror that could result in the destruction of innocent life on a mass scale.

Because this objective will take many years to accomplish, it is vital that we keep to the course from this point forward without faltering in the slightest.  For its part, Flash's Grand Master's Editorial will aid in this effort by providing weekly reminders of the task before us.  Each week, I will present a brief editorial on one specific aspect of the mission to wipe out all terrorists. 

As always, visitors to The Official Flash Kellam Website are welcome to send messages expressing their own thoughts and feelings on this matter by means of the website's e-Mail page.  I will post them to the website's Message Board page for your perusal.  Some of your questions or comments may be used as the basis for my editorials.  Remember, name and town on all submissions.  If you wish to remain anonymous, you may do so, but sign your message as such and, again, furnish the name of your town. The Official Flash Kellam Website does not sell or share its Guest Register list with anyone.  Your privacy is assured.
 

March 18, 2001

Sometime between now and next Sunday, The Official Flash Kellam Website will register its 400th hit.  With this milestone, The Official Flash Kellam Website is well on track to reach its stated goal of 500 hits by year’s end, with an outside chance to attain 600 hits.

I thank all of you who are visitors, be you regular or occasional.  I never forget what is being counted, and I thank you again.

Flash

(The Grand Master's Editorial will be revised as circumstances require, and archived at the bottom of this page. Most Grand Master Editorials will advise visitors of any changes in the form or format of The Official Flash Kellam Website. So check this space periodically for updates.) 

Welcome, one and all, to The Official Flash Kellam Website. Destined to be the best website of its kind. 

The Official Flash Kellam Website is designed primarily (though not exclusively) to serve as a central clearinghouse of sorts for all kinds of family-related information. The Events Calendar is where family members can leave messages regarding recent or upcoming happenings of significance (births, weddings, etc.). At the proper time, the information will be posted to the Family News of the Week page, for quick reference. 

Leave your home address, telephone, FAX, e-Mail, and online addresses in the Address Book for all to access. Drop off the instructions for a favorite family dish in the Recipe File. Download important family pictures to the Photo Album. 

The Great Genealogy Project is an ambitious endeavor to produce family trees and record family history. Go to Links for fast access to other family websites. 

But don't you members of the general public start feeling left out. There is plenty here for you also.

The Skywatcher's Almanac/Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week page keeps you apprised of this week's nighttime viewing opportunities and significant historical dates. Also included is a brief science lesson intended to enhance your enjoyment of skywatching. 

Flash's Joke of the Week provides laughs for adults and children alike. As is everything else on The Official Flash Kellam Website, all jokes are guaranteed G-rated, suitable for reading by any member of the family. 

Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week provides life-enhancing (and life-saving) advice on a wide variety of topics. 

Flash's Quiz of the Week gives you the chance to test your mental acuity on matters of general knowledge and pop culture. A second, simpler quiz for the younger set is included. 

Flash's Knot of the Week - a project still in development - will give instructions on tying a wide variety of useful knots. 

For you procrastinators (and you know who you are), the Astronomical Fact of the Week, Joke of the Week, Helpful Hint of the Week, Quiz of the Week, and Knot of the Week all will be preserved for posterity in their related Archives pages (The Quiz of the Week Archives page is where you will find the answers to last week's quiz).

Do you have a comment, suggestion, or criticism? Go to the Message Board. Speak your mind and vent your spleen at the same time.

The Introductory Page, and Main Menu facilitate your navigation of The Official Flash Kellam Website. FAQs provides the answers to Frequently Asked Questions (and others of interest). TheGuest Register allows you to list yourself as a visitor to The Official Flash Kellam Website and, by extension, a superb individual. Hits allows you to see how many other superb people there are out there. 

The Official Flash Kellam Website does the following to encourage return visits: 

The Official Flash Kellam Website is a strictly-for-fun, not-for-profit website. Which means none of those annoying advertising blocks obstructing the view. And no insinuating commercial pitches, either. 

All features on The Official Flash Kellam Website are updated every Sunday, thus furnishing visitors with new material - and a new reason to log on - every week.

The Official Flash Kellam Website is kind to procrastinators. Feature materials are retained for posterity in their respective Archive pages. No matter how long it has been since your last visit, you can catch up on anything (and everything) you may have missed. 

As Grand Master of The Official Flash Kellam Website, yours truly has exclusive editorial control. Materials submitted by visitors are not posted in realtime, but instead are held for examination to determine their fitness to be posted to The Official Flash Kellam Website. Potentially offensive materials are not regulated stringently; they are eliminated entirely. Even the stories on the Flash's Joke of the Week page are guaranteed G-rated, suitable for reading by any member of the family. This is one website before which a parent can park a child without concern. 

Remember, The Official Flash Kellam Website is intended for fun - so have a lot of it!

Flash

(The Grand Master's Introduction will be retained in this space to serve as a "Mission Statement" of sorts.) 

March 11, 2001

In honor of the upcoming St. Patrick’s Day celebration, this week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week will feature all Irish humor.

Moreover, Flash’s Quiz of the Week also will be Irish-themed.

Flash

March 4, 2001

Check out both Flash’s Quiz of the Week and Flash’s Helpful Hint of the Week.  Both have references to Abraham Lincoln.  I kid you not.

Flash

February 25, 2001

Okay, now I have something to say.  In honor of Texas Independence Day (March 2), this week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week will feature all Texas humor.

Moreover, this week’s edition of Flash’s Astronomical Facts likewise will be Texas-themed.

Flash

February 18, 2001

What can I say?  I have nothing to say.  Enjoy the website.

Flash

February 11, 2001

Again, nothing much to say this week.  Enjoy the website.

Flash

February 4, 2001

I have nothing much to say this week.  Go directly to the feature pages.  Do not pass GO.  Do not collect $200.

Flash

January 28, 2001

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints for the first of a four-part series about dog bites.  In the weeks to come we will examine practically every aspect of the human-canine relationship and how to accentuate the upsides and avoid the downsides.

Also, this week’s edition of Flash’s Astronomical Facts will present the first of several editions that will examine the 1986 Challenger disaster.

Flash

January 21, 2001

With Super Bowl Sunday coming up next week, this week’s edition of Flash’s Quiz of the Week will feature a series of questions on this championship game. 

This is not to say that the other feature pages are not also worth a look.  So, I invite you to look at them.

Flash

January 14, 2001

This week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week will feature all classics.  The Joke of the Week section will consist of a series of lawyer classics.  The younger set section will feature a series of animal classics.  The All-Time Classic section will feature not merely a Cold War Classic, but one of the single funniest Cold War Classics ever written.

Why am I doing this?

Just because I happen to be in an exceptionally good mood today.

Can I do this?

You had better believe it.  I, Flash Kellam, am the Grand Master of The Official Flash Kellam Website, so what I say goes.  The Official Flash Kellam Website is not a democracy, but a benevolent dictatorship.  With yours truly humbly serving as your enlightened despot.

So, prepare to read and laugh, you lucky people.  And do not forget to check out the other feature pages of The Official Flash Kellam Website.

I have spoken.

Flash

January 7, 2001

Welcome back, and I hope you survived the holidays.

The New Year brings with it a slightly new look to the feature pages of The Official Flash Kellam Website.  It occurred to me that many visitors, particularly new visitors, probably go directly to the feature pages without reading the “Mission Statement” below.  Consequently, they may not realize that the feature pages of The Official Flash Kellam Website are updated on a regular basis.

Now, each feature page has a “heading”:  A brief statement of the purpose of the feature page along with an assurance that it will be updated with new material weekly, and that past material will be archived at the webpage.

In this way, I hope to encourage repeat visits - and thereby acquire regular visitors.

Other than that, nothing has changed. The Official Flash Kellam Website remains, as always, the best website of its kind to be found anywhere in cyberspace.  And you get to enjoy it, you lucky people.

Flash

December 17, 2000

The Christmas holiday is coming up soon.  As I will be on vacation visiting the family, here is how entries to The Official Flash Kellam Website will be handled.

This week, you will get TRIPLE entries for Flash’s Astronomical Fact of the Week, Flash’s Joke of the Week, and Flash’s Helpful Hint of the Week (which will include some Christmas safety tips).  In other words, for those feature pages, you will get the entries for the weeks of December 17, December 24, and December 31, 2000.

This week’s Skywatcher’s Almanac will have entries through January 9, 2001, a total of twenty-four days (that is, the usual ten days plus two additional weeks).

The theme for this week’s Quiz of the Week is “Christmas classics”.  The answers for the preceding will be posted on January 7, 2001.  There will be no Quiz of the Week entries for December 24 and December 31, 2000, as I will be on vacation.

Review the safe motoring tips listed in the editorial for November 19, 2000.  The editorial for November 19, 2000 can be found in the Grand Master's Editorial Archives section of this webpage.

Happy Holidays!

Flash

December 10, 2000

To get you into the Christmas spirit, this week’s edition of Flash’s Quiz of the Week will feature a series of questions on "Christmas around the world". 

Also, check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week, which will feature a series of jokes about automobiles and extremely stupid people.

Flash

December 3, 2000

We are back to our usual routine with The Official Flash Kellam Website.

I hope you all enjoyed your Thanksgiving holiday. 

Flash

November 19, 2000

The Thanksgiving holiday is coming up on November 23, 2000.  As I will be on vacation visiting the family, here is how entries to The Official Flash Kellam Website will be handled.

This week, you will get DOUBLE entries of Flash’s Astronomical Fact of the Week, Flash’s Joke of the Week, and Flash’s Helpful Hint of the Week (including the conclusion of our two-part series on Thanksgiving food safety).  In other words, for those feature pages, you will get the entries for the weeks of both November 19 and November 26, 2000.

This week’s Skywatcher’s Almanac will have entries through December 5, 2000, a total of seventeen days (that is, the usual ten days plus an additional week).

The theme for this week’s Quiz of the Week is the “Electoral College”.  The answers will be posted on December 3, 2000.  There will be no Quiz of the Week entry for November 26, 2000, as I will be on vacation. 

Now, a few quick tips on safe motoring.  You probably already know them; but they are worth repeating:

While you are getting your tank filled at the service station, have the mechanic check your automobile's levels of oil, brake fluid, transmission fluid, radiator coolant, power steering fluid, and wiper fluid.  Have the tires checked for both tread wear and air pressure.

Get a good night’s sleep the night before.  A fatigued driver can be as dangerous as an intoxicated driver.  The instant you start to feel drowsy, pull into a rest stop and take a catnap.

Allow yourself plenty of time to reach your destination.  You will have to share the road with thousands of other motorists.

Adjust your driving to conform to traffic, road, and weather conditions.

Better late than never.  Arriving safely is always more important than arriving on time. 

Wear your seat belt, and secure your children to the appropriate child safety seats.

Even if you have a hands-free model, stay off of the cell phone.  The cell phone is to be used only to make emergency calls, and then only after you have pulled off of the road.  Remember, driving is not something to do while you are doing something else.

Do not drink and drive; if in a group, designate a driver.

Oh, and one more bit on food safety.  If you are bringing food to the family, remember the basic rule:  Keep hot foods hot and cold foods cold, so as to prevent bacterial growth.

Happy Thanksgiving to all visitors to The Official Flash Kellam Website.

Flash

November 12, 2000

With Thanksgiving coming up on November 23, 2000, this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints will feature the first of a two-part series on food safety, particularly as it pertains to the Thanksgiving meal. 

Flash

November 5, 2000

The Presidential race comes to a conclusion on November 7, 2000.  It is absolutely vital that you vote.  No excuses!  This vote is one of the most important in my lifetime - and that is no exaggeration. 

Flash

October 29, 2000

With Halloween just around the corner, this week’s edition of Flash’s Quiz of the Week will feature a series of questions about scary stuff from the movies and literature.

Also, check out this week's edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week for some spine-chilling rib-ticklers.

Flash

October 22, 2000

A monumental day soon will occur.

October 24, 2000 marks the first anniversary of The Official Flash Kellam Website!  Given the occasion, a review of the first year is in order. 

The Official Flash Kellam Website was inaugurated on October 24, 1999. 

The Official Flash Kellam Website got off to a rocky start.  After its initial launch, computer problems forced me to shut down.  It was not until November 21, 1999 that I was able to re-start. 

Yet more computer problems struck on January 30, 2000, making new entries to some of the feature pages impossible until March 12, 2000.

As you might expect, hits were slow in coming in those early weeks.  Very few people outside my circle of family and friends even knew of the existence of The Official Flash Kellam Website.

Then, on April 9, 2000, my website compiler submitted my website for listing on the nation’s 700 top search engines.  Now, outsiders surfing for Jokes, Hints, Quizzes and Astronomy Information can visit – and have visited - The Official Flash Kellam Website.  And some of them have become repeat visitors.

On April 30, 2000 The Official Flash Kellam Website recorded its 100th “hit” (unique visit).

The hits counter shows more and more visitations with each passing month.  On October 1, 2000, The Official Flash Kellam Website recorded its 200th hit, and I am looking to increase that number by half again in the upcoming second year of operation.

I will continue to improve The Official Flash Kellam Website the best way possible:  By constant adherence to high standards of excellence.  And I will continue to promote The Official Flash Kellam Website by the very best advertising there is:  Word of mouth.  After all, any success is based on people liking what you have to offer.  I am counting on visitors to spread the word that The Official Flash Kellam Website is worth visiting again… and again… and again.

At this time, I wish to give acknowledgements to several people for their help in making The Official Flash Kellam Website a reality.

Kudos first to my friends John Strickland, Jr. and Edwin Strickland, both of Austin, Texas.  The Strickland brothers gave me several briefings on computer hardware and software so that I could enter the computer store fully versed. 

Speaking of which, thanks next to Andrew and Talia Traub and staff at CompuFlash, Inc. of Austin, Texas for assembling my custom computer system.  Check out CompuFlash, Inc. at www.compuflash.com for all your computer hardware needs.

Thanks also to my Internet Service Provider, Illuminati Online of Austin, Texas.  Illuminati Online serves as the host for The Official Flash Kellam Website.  That is correct, sir.  They are indeed the “io” in my website address.  Illuminati Online offers unlimited Internet access for a nominal monthly fee, and their staff has given me excellent tech support.  Consider Illuminati Online at www.io.com as your next ISP. 

Last, but not least, Don Allen and his superb technicians at Ad Wizards of Austin, Texas, who did the “1”s and “0”s work of turning my design for The Official Flash Kellam Website into cyberspace reality (however contradictory that may sound).  In addition, Ad Wizards furnished me with the necessary shareware that enables me to update The Official Flash Kellam Website from the comfort of my home.  Check them out at www.adwizards.com if ever you need a website.

Much thanks to you all!

P.S.  By the way, all of the above ads were unsolicited.

P.P.S.  With the 2000 Presidential election fast approaching, this week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week will feature a series of politically-oriented jokes.

Flash

October 15, 2000

The Major League baseball playoffs are now in progress.  Check out this week's edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week for some side-splitting baseball humor.

With winter just around the corner, this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints will feature the first of a four-part series on chain saw safety.

Flash

October 8, 2000

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints for a Halloween safety warning that you need to follow several weeks before the holiday .

Flash

October 1, 2000

The Official Flash Kellam Website has just reached another milestone!  A few days ago, The Official Flash Kellam Website registered its 200th “hit” (unique visit).  And I have you to thank for that, because it is all about people wanting to visit - and visit again.  So thank you again!

This 200th hit comes just as The Official Flash Kellam Website is approaching its first anniversary on October 24, 2000.  For the website's second year, I am going to make it my goal to record 300 more hits.  That’s right!  Come October 24, 2001, that hits counter will be sporting the number 500!

You can contribute to this effort not only by continuing to visit The Official Flash Kellam Website, but also by telling your best friends, casual acquaintances, and mortal enemies about The Official Flash Kellam Website.  As I always say, as you found The Official Flash Kellam Website to be both useful and entertaining, so too might your friends and family, so why would you want to leave them out of the fun?  Why indeed?

Remember the selling points:  All feature pages are updated regularly, and all materials are archived for the benefit of the occasional visitor.  The site is 100% free - no membership dues, no user fees, and none of those annoying advertising blocks. You also get easy access and navigation.  Best of all, the site is guaranteed Family & Child Safe by none other than yours truly, theGrand Master of The Official Flash Kellam Website.  For what more could you ask of a website?

So, as The Official Flash Kellam Website enters its second year of operation, I hope to have you visit again… and again… and again.

Flash

September 24, 2000

This week’s feature pages will have some common themes.

This week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints will feature the first of a two-part series about home water heaters.

This week’s edition of Flash’s Quiz of the Week will feature the first of a two-part series of questions about the Olympic Games.

So, what are the common themes?

The younger set section of this week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week will feature an instructive classic about hot water scalds.  The All-Time Classic section will feature an all-time classic about the Olympic Games.

Read and enjoy.

Flash

September 17, 2000

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Astronomical Facts for an interesting fact about the planet Neptune; a fact that re-affirms the power of numbers.

Flash

September 10, 2000

Nothing much to say this week.  As usual, the good stuff is on the feature pages.  Enjoy.

Flash

September 3, 2000

Labor Day will be September 4, 2000.  Fly your flags.

Also, check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Quiz of the Week and test your knowledge about work and industry.

Flash

August 27, 2000

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week for a side-splitting All-Time Classic.  In fact, it comes in two parts, so I put the first part in the Joke of the Week section.  Enjoy.

This week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints will augment last week’s discussion about natural gas leaks by telling you what to do in the event that you detect a gas leak.  Parents, teach your children also.

Also, with a Presidential election coming up, check out Flash’s Quiz of the Week to test your knowledge of Presidential trivia.  Then, check to be sure that your voter’s registration card is currently valid.  If not, register to vote at your county courthouse.

Labor Day will be September 4, 2000.  Fly your flags.

Flash

August 20, 2000

This week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints will discuss a very important safety topic:  How to detect natural gas leaks from home pipes and utility mains.  Parents, teach your children also.

Flash

August 13, 2000

Nothing much to report this week.  The good stuff is on the feature pages.  Enjoy.

Flash

August 6, 2000

As noted in this week’s Skywatcher’s Almanac, the Dog Days of summer will come to an end on August 11.

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Astronomical Facts for a detailed explanation of how the Dog Days came to be called the Dog Days.

Then, check out the younger set section of Flash’s Joke of the Week for a classic pun related to the Dog Days.

Flash

July 30, 2000

There will be a partial solar eclipse on July 30, 2000.  Review Flash’s Helpful Hint #40 (July 23, 2000) for information on how to view the solar eclipse safely. 

That is all.

Flash

July 23, 2000

There will be a partial solar eclipse on July 30, 2000. 

This week’s edition of Flash’s Astronomical Facts will tell you – in precise detail – exactly why it is dangerous to look directly at a solar eclipse.

Then turn to this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints for a review – in comparably precise detail – of various means by which you can view a solar eclipse safely.

Thus, you will know why it is dangerous to look at a solar eclipse and what you can do to avoid those dangers.  Parents, teach your children also.  Most of the people who suffer injuries to the eyes during eclipses are children.

Enjoy the eclipse (if it is visible in your area); but be wary also.

Flash

July 16, 2000

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Astronomical Facts.  And not just for an astronomical fact, but also a moral lesson.

Election day is fast approaching.  If you have not already done so, register to vote.  Most jurisdictions require that you be registered sixty days prior to the election, so get going.

Flash

July 9, 2000

Hope you had a happy Fourth of July.

The answers to the June 25, 2000 Quiz of the Week will be posted this week.

Other than that, we are back to our usual schedule.  Enjoy the site.

Flash

June 25, 2000

As I mentioned in last week’s editorial, I, the Grand Master of The Official Flash Kellam Website will be out of town for the July 4th holiday.

Therefore, I will leave you with material to cover the period as follows:

The Skywatcher’s Almanac will provide astronomical information for the next seventeen days (the usual ten days plus an extra week).

You will get DOUBLE entries of Flash’s Astronomical Fact of the Week, Flash’s Joke of the Week, and Flash’s Helpful Hint of the Week.

The answers to the June 25, 2000 Quiz of the Week will be posted on July 9, 2000.

In honor of the upcoming Fourth of July celebration, all entries for July 2, 2000 will have an Independence Day theme.

Fly your flags and have a safe and happy Fourth!

Flash

June 18, 2000

Special note:  The Grand Master of The Official Flash Kellam Website (that is, I) will be out of town for the July 4th holiday.

Not to worry.  Come June 25, 2000, I plan to post material for the two weeks following.  The Skywatcher’s Almanac will be extended for twenty days instead of the usual ten.  And the answers to the June 25, 2000 Quiz of the Week will be posted on July 9, 2000.

See the June 25, 2000 Grand Master's Editorial (next week) for more details. 

Flash

June 11, 2000

Not much to say for this week.

Flag Day will be coming up on June 14.  Do not fail to fly your flag.

Flash

June 4, 2000

Not much to report.

Summer vacation season soon will be upon us.  Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints for tips on how to avoid shark attacks.

Flash

May 28, 2000

Memorial Day observance is coming up on May 29.  Fly your flag, wear your seat belt, and designate a driver. 

This week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week will feature two jokes with similar themes, but adapted from two different comic strips.

Flash

May 21, 2000

Again, not much to report.

Check out Flash’s Joke of the Week for two jokes about brothers.  Then, the Quiz of the Week for a quiz about sisters.

Flash

May 14, 2000

Again, not much to report.  I have been busy.  So have you.

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints to find an interesting use for crickets.

Flash

May 7, 2000

Not much to report.  I have been busy with other projects in addition to The Official Flash Kellam Website.

Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Helpful Hints on the subject of saving water through xeriscaping.

Flash

April 30, 2000

A milestone has been reached!  As of this writing, 100 “hits” (visits) to The Official Flash Kellam Website have been recorded.  Which means that in six months and a week, 100 unique visits (other than by me) are on the books.

Naturally, I have no intention of resting on my laurels.  With The Official Flash Kellam Website now listed on hundreds of the nation’s top search engines, an increased rate of visits may be expected.  My goal is to record 250 hits by the week of the website’s first year anniversary (October 24, 2000).  More, if possible.

The revamping of the website, which will occur in the next several months, should make the website more popular than ever.

To celebrate this plateau, this week’s edition of Flash’s Joke of the Week will be all classics.  Enjoy.

Flash

April 23, 2000

Not much to report this time.

Flash’s Astronomical Fact of the Week will this week begin a three-part examination of everything you have ever want to know about lunar phases.

This is, of course, not to say that the other pages are not also worth your time.  The Official Flash Kellam Website is the fun hotel.  So check into it.

Flash

April 16, 2000

Easter Sunday is coming up on the 23rd of April.  Check out this week’s edition of Flash’s Astronomical Facts for a detailed description of the exact method by which the date of the Easter Sunday holiday is determined.

The Official Flash Kellam Website will be expanding in the next few months to include new pages, new features, and new navigation.  I intend to make the website more informative, more versatile, and easier to use than ever before.

Comments, suggestions, and criticisms of The Official Flash Kellam Website are always welcome; that is why I have an e-Mail page.  But, with the website due for expansion soon, now is the time make your voice heard.  If you have a good idea, then do not keep it a secret.  If there is something about The Official Flash Kellam Website that you think can be improved, tell me about it.  After all, as Grand Master, I am the only one who can make revisions. 

What would you like to see?  Different formats for webpage imformation?  A new navigation system?  New fonts?  New graphics?

What about you members of the family (and you know who you are)?  Would you like a webpage where family members can exchange genealogical information?  A site to list upcoming family events or to announce births and weddings and such?  A place to post your favorite family recipes?  Or scan in your favorite family photos? 

What about you members of the general public?  Would you like a Guest Register page where you can leave your name and address for future reference? How about a page for Frequently Asked Questions? 

How about more interactivity?  Would you like a Message Board where one visitor can post a note to the website where it can read and commented upon by me or any other visitor?  Would you like a page to send in your own jokes or pass along your own helpful hints?  How about a forum to discuss public affairs (which would probably not be a bad idea, given the upcoming Presidential election)?  Anything else?

Let me know.  You know where to reach me.

Flash

April 9, 2000

The Official Flash Kellam Website continues to grow.  The people at AdWizards, Inc., who assembled the site, have submitted it for listing with over 700 of the nation’s top search engines.

One upside of this fact is that it is now possible to access The Official Flash Kellam Website by keyword search instead of URL address.  All that is necessary is to enter the keywords “Flash+Kellam”, and set the computer searching.  A page called “Netscape Homepages” should appear.  Simply scroll down to the O’s (The Official Flash Kellam Website is listed by website title, not by my name).  Then, simply click on The Official Flash Kellam Website and you are there!

You may have told your friends and neighbors about The Official Flash Kellam Website, but they may not have been able to access it by URL address.  Ask them to try again, this time by keyword search.

And by all means, as soon as you access it, be sure to “Bookmark” it as one of your “Favorites”, for quick return visits.  Remember, features are updated regularly!

Flash

April 2, 2000

Not much to report.  First, go to the Quiz of the Week page for a quiz about kangaroos.  Then, check out the Joke of the Week’s younger set section for a joke about kangaroos.

The November election is coming, and faster than you think.  If you have not already done so, please register to vote.  Simply go to your county courthouse and fill out the necessary forms.  Your voter registration certificate should arrive in the mail within a week to ten days.  You should verify that the information is correct.  If it is, sign the certificate.  If it is not, notify the courthouse to obtain a replacement certificate.  Those already registered should take the time to check their certificates to be sure that the registration is valid through Election Day.

Remember also that the deadline for registering to vote in an election is usually 60 days prior to Election Day.  Those who have not yet registered have plenty of time to do so.  But it should be done at first opportunity, lest you forget.

Flash

March 26, 2000

In considering Helpful Hint #15 (January 30, 2000), I see that my advice on how to remove ticks from the flesh is quite lengthy.  At nearly 1000 words, it is quite probably the longest Helpful Hint I have ever posted to The Official Flash Kellam Website.

Which raises a problem.  Such long-winded pieces are a disservice to the visitor.  First, you do not have the time to read protracted dissertations.  Moreover, the longer the feature article is, the harder it is to remember (unless you download the information for extensive review).  Also, having to scroll through multiple screens makes the words more difficult to follow (the ideal, of course, would be a feature article short enough to fit on a single screen). 

The dilemma is one that has confronted writers since the beginning of time:  The wish to be as succinct as possible colliding with the need to be as complete as possible.

In the future, I will endeavor to keep things short.  For most feature articles (Editorials, Joke Sets, Helpful Hints, and Astronomical Facts), I will try to keep them to a length of 200 words or less.  The body of this editorial, for instance, is exactly 200 words.

Flash

March 19, 2000

Mission accomplished.  After several weeks of trying to overcome a computer memory problem, the situation has now been resolved.  All pages (including weekly feature pages) are now up to date and back on track!

With the computer memory problem now resolved, many prospects present themselves.  Look for some significant changes to The Official Flash Kellam Website in the near future. 

Flash

March 12, 2000

Finally!  After several weeks of finagling (abetted by a lot of outside consultation), it now appears that the glitch that has prevented me from making new entries to several of the website’s feature pages has been overcome.  I will not bore you with the technical details.  Just know that I am now able to make new entries to every page AND with no theoretical upper limits.

The only question is what to do with those back entries for the Joke of the Week and the Helpful Hint of the Week. Do I give you double entries until we are back on schedule, like I do when I am on vacation?

No, I say.  You people have been patient, so you deserve to have that patience rewarded.  Therefore, I am going to load ALL back entries at once.  Then, all of the data will be there, and each individual visitor can catch up at his or her own pace.  Such are the advantages of being the Grand Master.

Naturally, this will take some time.  I will add the back entries during the week beginning March 12, and I should have them all up by March 18.  Come March 19, there will be another new set of entries.  And that should be the end of it!

Flash

March 5, 2000 

Last week, I instituted a new procedure regarding The Skywatcher's Almanac. I furnished information for two weeks upcoming rather than just one week. The idea was to provide some overlap between weeks.

However, on reflection, I have come to the conclusion that furnishing information for the next two weeks may be to provide too much information at a time.

Therefore, I have revised the new procedure as follows: Each week, I will provide information for the ten-day period upcoming. This will provide an overlap (three days) between revisions, without listing more information than reasonably can be handled at a time.

And yes, I am still working on the computer problem that continues to make new entries to some pages impossible at this time. Hopefully, it will not be much longer. 

Flash

February 27, 2000

The Skywatcher's Almanac/Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week page will have new material this week.

Unfortunately, the same problem that has plagued the Flash's Joke of the Week and Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week pages now seems to have affected the Flash's Quiz of the Week page. I have provided the answers to last week's questions. But I will have to suspend new entries until I resolve the problem.

However, there is one change that I deem necessary and that I can effect immediately, as it will require no outside assistance. It has to do with the Skywatcher's Almanac.

In the past, I have made new entries every Sunday to cover the period of the week upcoming. But recently, it occurred to me that this is rather slim timing. After all, as soon as a day passes into history, information for that day passes into irrelevancy. This is one of the reasons that the Skywatcher's Almanac, unlike other pages of The Official Flash Kellam Website, is not archived.

By having only one week's worth of skywatching information every seven days, it can make it difficult to plan to watch certain nighttime events. By having each week's entry abut the other, there is no leeway in the process.

Therefore, starting this week, I am instituting a new procedure. New entries to the Skywatcher's Almanac will be made each Sunday, as in weeks past. But henceforth, the Almanac will provide information for the next fourteen days rather than the next seven. This will give visitors one week's overlap, which will lessen the chance of not getting information in a timely manner.

I will keep you apprised as to my progress regarding the other pages.

Flash

February 20, 2000 

The Skywatcher's Almanac/Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week page will have new material this week, as will the Flash's Quiz of the Week page.

Regretfully, there will - once again - be no new entries this week to The Flash's Joke of the Week and the Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week pages.

The solution to this problem most likely will result in some radical changes to the structure of The Official Flash Kellam Website. Naturally, if indeed any such changes are implemented, I will keep you apprised in the Grand Master's Editorial section. That is its purpose, after all.

This is as good a time as any to remind you that if you have a comment, suggestion, or criticism of The Official Flash Kellam Website, my e-Mail page is - quite literally - a mouse click away. I cannot promise that I will enact every piece of advice; but I can promise that I will read your messages. 

Flash

February 13, 2000 

Again this week, there will be no new entries in the Flash's Joke of the Week and the Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week pages. I am still working on the problem that forced the suspension of new entries. Keep the faith. Your patience will be rewarded.

The Skywatcher's Almanac/Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week page will have new material this week, as will the Flash's Quiz of the Week page.

After you have checked out all of this week's feature updates on The Official Flash Kellam Website, check out The Hamster Dancers at www.hamsterdance.com

It is the website featured on the Earth Link commercial. And it is nothing short of an absolute hoot! 

Flash

February 6, 2000

I am still working on the problem that has forced me to suspend the Flash's Joke of the Week and the Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week.

The Skywatcher's Almanac/Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week page will have new material this week, as will the Flash's Quiz of the Week page.

After the problem is corrected, you will receive DOUBLE entries of Jokes and Helpful Hints until such time as we are back on schedule.

Again, I apologize for the inconvenience and thank you for your forbearance - and your support. 

Flash

January 30, 2000 

Once again, I seem to have run into a cybernetic snag. 

As you may have noticed, I do not have new (January 30, 2000) entries for Flash's Joke of the Week and Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week. The reason has to do with the amount of available computer memory. Apparently, I just put too much good stuff on one sheet.

Correcting the problem will require consultation with my website compiler. Here is how things will proceed in the meantime:

The Skywatcher's Almanac/Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week page still appears able to accept new entries, as does the Flash's Quiz of the Week page. So, for the time being, new entries will continue to be posted to those pages. 

The Joke and Helpful Hint pages appear to have reached their memory limit and will be suspended until I work out a method of correcting the problem. Hopefully, it will not take long. 

I will handle the Joke and Helpful Hint pages the same way that I do when I am on vacation. After the problem is corrected, you will receive DOUBLE entries of Jokes and Helpful Hints until such time as we are back on schedule.

I apologize for any inconvenience, but until I have a chance to consult with my website compiler, there is nothing else that I can do. 

Flash

January 23, 2000 

At this time, I wish to give acknowledgements to several people for their help in making The Official Flash Kellam Website a reality. 

Kudos first to my friends John Strickland, Jr. and Edwin Strickland, both of Austin, Texas. The Strickland brothers gave me several briefings on computer hardware and software so that I could enter the computer store fully versed. 

Speaking of which, thanks next to Andrew and Talia Traub and staff at CompuFlash, Inc. of Austin, Texas for assembling my custom computer system. Check out CompuFlash, Inc. at www.compuflash.com for all your computer hardware needs.

Thanks also to my Internet Service Provider, Illuminati Online of Austin, Texas. Illuminati Online serves as the host for The Official Flash Kellam Website. That is correct, sir. They are indeed the "io" in my website address. Illuminati Online offers unlimited Internet access for a nominal monthly fee, and their staff has given me excellent tech support. Consider Illuminati Online at www.io.com as your next ISP. 

Last, but not least, Don Allen and his superb technicians at Ad Wizards of Austin, Texas, who did the "1"s and "0"s work of turning my design for The Official Flash Kellam Website into cyberspace reality (however contradictory that may sound). In addition, Ad Wizards furnished me with the necessary shareware that enables me to update The Official Flash Kellam Website from the comfort of my home. Check them out at www.adwizards.com if ever you need a website. 

Much thanks to you all! 

P.S. By the way, all of the above ads were unsolicited. 

Flash

January 16, 2000 

On January 20, 2000, a total lunar eclipse will occur. It will be the only total lunar eclipse visible throughout the Americas during the year 2000, so do not miss it. Weather permitting, it will be quite spectacular.

Flash's Astronomical Fact for January 16, 2000 will have additional details about lunar eclipses. 

As we are now back on schedule, this will be the last week (for the time being) that you will receive DOUBLE entries of Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week, Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week and Flash's Joke of the Week. 

As always, have fun with the website.

Flash

January 9, 2000 

Happy New Year to you all! 

But it is NOT - I repeat, NOT - the new Millennium. See Flash's Astronomical Fact for January 2, 2000 for details.

As promised, as a consequence of the Christmas hiatus, you will receive DOUBLE entries of Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week, Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week and Flash's Joke of the Week until such time as we are back on schedule. As always, all Main Feature materials are archived at the site. No matter how long it has been since your last visit, you still can catch up on anything you may have missed. 

The answers to the December 19, 1999 quiz will be posted on January 9.

The Official Flash Kellam Website will undergo several changes for the year 2000. More details will be forthcoming as plans become finalized. 

Wishing you the best for the coming year. 

Flash

December 19, 1999

With the Christmas holidays coming up, I know that most of you want to get away. So do I. 

At this time of year, one more thing to do is the last thing you need. Therefore, The Official Flash Kellam Website will go on hiatus for the holidays. 

The Skywatcher's Almanac will contain night sky and historical information for the period of December 19, 1999 through January 8, 2000. The next revision will be January 9.

As I did following the period last November when I was unable (for technical reasons) to update the website, you will receive DOUBLE entries of Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week, Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week and Flash's Joke of the Week until such time as we are back on schedule. As always, all Main Feature materials are archived at the site. No matter how long it has been since your last visit, you still can catch up on anything you may have missed.

The answers to this week's Flash's Quiz of the Week will be posted on January 9.

Also, check out this week's Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week for some important information about what to do when the calendar rolls over. 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to all. See you in 2000. 

Flash

December 12, 1999

As promised, Flash's Helpful Hints will feature Y2K related Hints beginning this week.

Also, check out Flash's Joke of the Week for a bit of Y2K related humor. 

Flash

December 5, 1999 

After a brief period of experimentation, I believe I now have a readable format for the Skywatcher's Almanac. 

With the Computer Date Change fast approaching, Flash's Helpful Hints will feature Y2K related Hints beginning next week.

Flash

November 28, 1999 

Hope you all had a nice Thanksgiving holiday. 

For the Skywatcher's Almanac, I am going to experiment with a slightly different format for listing the week's upcoming events. 

That's all.

Flash

With profuse apologies, I now officially re-start The Official Flash Kellam Website! 

As often happens with new websites (or, for that matter, new anything else), the unexpected occurs. A series of snafus prevented me from updating the website on schedule. 

However, after much diligent effort, the technical problems have now been resolved. The Official Flash Kellam Website is back on line. 

In return for giving The Official Flash Kellam Website another try, here is what you will get: 

The Skywatcher's Almanac will be back on track, loaded with information on this week's events in the night sky.

For the next several weeks, you will receive DOUBLE entries of Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week, Flash's Joke of the Week, and Flash's Helpful Hint of the Week until such time as we are back on schedule. 

Flash's Quiz of the Week will provide the answers to the four Halloween-themed questions from inaugural week, and a new set of challenging questions for the current week. 

Remember, all Main Feature materials are archived in The Official Flash Kellam Website. No matter how long you've been away, you always can catch up on anything you may have missed. 

I thank you for your patience and understanding in this matter 

Flash

Welcome, one and all, to the inauguration of The Official Flash Kellam Website! 

The Official Flash Kellam Website is destined for greatness. Those logging on this date may consider themselves among the fortunate few who can say that they were there when The Official Flash Kellam Website went into operation. 

Why did I choose this date, the 24th day of October 1999, for the debut of The Official Flash Kellam Website? It was a combination of two factors. First, I plan to update the website's features every Sunday; and second, Halloween 1999 falls on a Sunday. 

Taking advantage of this coincidence, I am going to use Halloween as a theme to introduce the main features of The Official Flash Kellam Website. 

In the Skywatcher's Almanac/Flash's Astronomical Fact of the Week page, I will tell you what viewing opportunities are afforded in the night sky on this, the week before Halloween. More to the theme, I will discuss also the astronomical origins of Halloween.