From: Eddie Subject: Re: Project A-ko contest Yo Henry! Although it's a shame you only got one fic, it could be worse. At least this fic deserves to win! (better than choosing between 2 crappy fics) Ok. here's my verdict. (objective hat on) Project A-ko: Redemtion Style: 7/10 A few spelling mistakes, but overall, the story was easy to read. I liked some of the visual elements, like the breese coming from the ruin of the spaceship. Originality: 7/10 Fanfics set “right after pt 4” have been done before, but it is a logical hook. (can A-ko keep her promise?) This fic had enough twists and suprises to keep me interested. The ending was a “Back to the Future” style twist on the actual ending of pt 4, leaving an ambigous ending. (Can B-ko keep it up? Will C-ko return again? Is this one of B-ko’s tricks?) A-ko getting worked up overnight and attacking first is original, suprised me. I liked it though. The “friendly fire” demise of the Stealth Toraiyama 62' was good, a new defeat, yet consistent with the Project A-ko style. Characterisation: 9/10 Done well. only one minor fault (matter of opinion though), When A-ko and B-ko fought in the classroom Miss Ayumi shouldn’t have fled. She’s more likely to A) Beg them to stop. B) Faint in shock or (possibly) use her *VICIOUS STARE* and order A-ko and B-ko to stop. (in hindsight, unlikely. Presumably Ayumi knows A-ko and B-ko are too strong willed to listen.) A-ko is done well, she’s plucky and tries to be good to C-ko (and finds it difficult) as usual. A-ko’s anger was never watered down, and was carried with style. B-ko was excellent, top marks for “It’s ALL YOUR FAULT” type lines. B-ko never takes responsibility fer her actions, even blaming it all on A-ko when her macha was taken out by “friendly fire” Interestingly bewildered when A-ko flatters her. That’s undoubebly the type of stuff B-ko wants to hear, but not from A-ko. C-ko was good. Best bits were: 'I'm ignoring you', voiced C-ko. 'Oh no, now you've made me speak!!!' And her sudden cheerfullness a moment later. (the dimwit has the attention-span of a goldfish, just like the original C-ko) Fun: 7/10 Like the original, it has a fun feel. C-ko improvising a meal in chemistry class was a master stroke. C-ko’s ship-communicator was top notch, the type of gadget you’d expect C-ko to have. Overall: 8/10 An excellent fanfic worthy of the prize. Well done. -- **** "Please don't wake me, no don't shake me, leave me where I am, I'm only sleeping." Edward Vagg; evagg@hubble.dialix.com.au Visit my web page: http://www.geocities.com/Hollywood/Academy/1378/ ---------------------------------------------------------------------- From: "Tim Hodge" Subject: Fanfic judging Just finished reading the entry you sent. Here's what I thought: *Style*: This was the area where I thought the story was most let down. Punctuation needs a fair bit of work, and there's occasional spelling mistakes (most notably misspellings of Hikaru and Magami, but a few others as well). However, this is a only a minor concern, and a small amount of editing will fix the problem. I'd say about a *6* for this. *Originality*: Well, from what I've seen, the whole "A-ko's Promise" thing is a fairly common occurence in A-ko fanfics, but it was handled well, and I wasn't expecting C-ko to return to the Alpha Cygnans. The metallic flower remote control and the revelation of the Queen's ship took me by surprise. And B-ko doctoring A-ko's grade: A-ko's burst of aggression the next morning was also something I wouldn't have foreseen. I think the story's pretty good; *7* for Originality. *Characterisation*: Pretty much spot-on, I think. C-ko was C-ko, A-ko was A-ko; I did think that perhaps some of Ayumi-Sensei's dialogue was slightly off, but maybe it was just me. And B-ko's arrival at A-ko's house after C-ko leaves seemed a little bit out of the blue, but I suppose the signs *were* there when C-ko revealed the ship ... all in all, I think I'd say *9* for Characterisation. *Fun*: Well, I certainly liked it. It wasn't exactly comedy-heavy, but there were occasional humourous moments. It seems to be common for fanfics to have a rather more serious tone than the series they're based on; I imagine that frequently that wouldn't work, but I think here it worked well, contributing to the formation of what I think was a very enjoyable work. For Fun I'd give a *9*. So - Style: 6 Originality: 7 Characterisation: 9 Fun: 9 ==================[Total Score out of 40: ***31***]================== There you go. ============================================================ *Little Graviton* http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/9607 Home of the Project A-Ko WebRing taildale@hotmail.com --------------------------------------------------------- From: Kent Magami and David Outram Subject: Contest entry comments Style: The story is written fairly well, though I noted several spelling errors (no, I'm not counting the differences between American spelling and the rest of the world's). There was a slight problem with maintaining consistent spelling of the main characters names, specifically whether or not the -ko suffix is capitalized. I give it a 7. Originality: I have to admit, the story makes sense, and is a logical continuation of the events in Project: A-ko 4: Final. Most P: A-ko authors that I've read dealt with the promise issue by copping out, (I, myself, got around it by setting my fic before Final takes place) but this one tackles it head-on. 9 for originality. Characterization: A-ko and B-ko were pretty much in character, and C-ko usually was, except that her whole motivation for her little test here seems to require a lot more thought than she normally displays. It makes me wonder who put her up to it. And while the scene at the end succeeded in putting a happier spin on a melancholy situation, I can't really see A-ko and B-ko getting that close that quickly. They would need more time to sort out their feelings on their own and thaw toward each other. Other than that, there were no characterization problems that I saw. 7. Fun: I wouldn't call this story 'fun', in the sense of prevalent humor and spectacular fight scenes (though they were good), but, considering the ending, I don't believe it was supposed to be. I'll leave this category out of my final judgment. Overall: I enjoyed reading this story, though I found the ending rather disquieting. A fairly good fic, all around. Average of the categories: 7.7 ******************************************************** * Kent Magami and David Outram (kmagami@hsonline.net) * * Second Deacon of Ryoga, Tracker of the Wandering One * * Co-founder and High Priest of the Holy Order of A-ko * * Motto: You can *never* have enough C-kos! * ******************************************************** * One month after B-ko hypnotized C-ko... * * * * C-ko: Hi, B-ko! What're we gonna do tonight? * * B-ko: The same thing we do every night, C-ko-- * * try to destroy A-ko! * * C-ko: Waiwai!!!! * * * * o/~ One of them's an airhead; the other one's * * insane! It's C-ko and the Brain! o/~ * ********************************************************