[AMS] [UY] "AA Oni!" (3/5)
Chapter Three: "Midsummer Night's Dream."
By Henry J. Cobb
$Id: aa_oni3.txt,v 1.4 1997/07/26 15:11:39 hcobb Exp $

The AMS characters and situations are the creation of Kosuke Fujishima.
The UY characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi.
No infringement of their copyrights is intended.

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My name is Keiichi Morisato.  I go to Nekomi Tech, where I study
automotive engineering.  I'm a perfectly ordinary guy, a little short
and frankly scrawny, but somehow I've wound up living at this strange
temple with a 16-year old alien girl.

It's been five months since Lum showed up to conquer the Earth.  She's
very interesting with blue eyes, green hair, horns, fangs and strange
alien powers.  The university accepts her story about being a transfer
student from India, but the guys down at the motor club think she's more
like a goddess.  She looks and acts very kawaii in her tiger-striped
bikini, but she's very smart.

Just before noon on a hot summer's day, I tuned out the buzz of the fan
as I worked on the parts list for the new bike.  The other guys at the
motor club think it's so easy.  "Morisato!  Build an award-winning
motorcycle!"  They never consider the delicate balance of forces
involved.

There were a few details I'll ask Lum with help on later, she's such a
wiz at optimising formulas, even if she's still lacking in detailed
knowledge of the parts used in earth technology.  She took all the same
courses as I did this last semester and generally did better than I did,
mostly on her math skills.

Lum was humming a strange alien ditty in the kitchen as she worked on
lunch, in her bikini and an apron.  "Lunch will be ready soon Darling."

"OK."  I cleared my books off of the table and turned around to study
them on the floor.

"Hello."

"Megumi t'cha!"  Lum wiped her hands off and went to meet my sister at the
door.

"Thanks for inviting me over again today."  Megumi gave Lum a hug.

"Again?  You come here almost everyday sis."

"Well, who could resist Lum's cooking?  And I do help out with the food
bill."

"You really like it, t'cha?"  Lum beamed at the complement.

Frankly I have no idea how I've survived these last several months on
Lum's cooking.  The spiciest Earth dishes are positively bland in
comparison to her mildest.  Lately it's gotten a lot more endurable and
my intestinal cramps rarer.  I don't know how Lum caught on to my
distress, but I'm certainly not going to complain.  It's odd how none of
the others have noticed the change in her cooking.  Maybe their
taste-buds have gotten totally burned out?  I just couldn't complain
about it, Lum is so sensitive about being a good wife.  I don't know how
I'm going to talk to her about that either.

"Well big brother, where are you going for vacation this year?"  Megumi
sat down in front of the fan.

"Nowhere, I'm broke."

"Poor Keiichi.  I went to the beach twice already.  Oh, I'm sorry, I
forgot that you can't swim."

"I can swim."

"Yeah, straight down."

I went back to working on my lists.

"Darling!"

"Huh?"  I turned around.

Lum had placed her curry on the table and picked up some photographs
that Megumi had brought.  "Look here Darling!  Aren't these women
wearing just bikinis, in public, t'cha?"

"Uh, well, the beach is a special case you see.  Well, it looks like
time for lunch."

"Thank you."  Megumi put down her bowl.  "That was excellent as always
Lum."

"Yes, it was great."  Actually it was almost enjoyable.  "What's wrong
Lum?"

"Darling, can we go to the beach, t'cha?"

"That sounds like an excellent idea you two!"  Megumi was always
conspiring to get me and Lum closer together.

"Uh, well, I guess.  What is it now Lum?"

"You'll be ashamed of me, t'cha?"  Lum seemed almost on the verge of
tears.

"Now how could I ever be ashamed of you Lum?  Let's go to the beach
tomorrow."  I cupped her chin to turn her head to face me.

"My, look at the time.  I gotta go!  See you later Bro, Lum."

"Yes, do come by anytime."  I quickly released Lum, to wave goodbye to
Megumi.

"I'll fix you a special dinner tonight Darling, in celebration, t'cha!  I
just need to shop for a few things."  Lum pulled a dress over her bikini
and took her shopping basket.

I watched her go, then stood there at the door for a few minutes.  I
hoped that special didn't mean extra spicy.

I heard a strange roaring sound and rushed out of the temple.

I stopped.  The main garage doors were open.  I was sure that if one of
the others had found the key they would have told me.

Inside the garage, next to boxes of some of my things, was a strange red
vehicle that looked somewhat like a waterbike.

Standing next to the vehicle was a girl in her late teens, with her back
to me.  She wore skimpy red leather shorts and a strapless halter top.
Her brown hair was tied up with a steel chain and she wore a larger one
across one shoulder, bandolier style.  She had some sort of strange
alien device, slung rifle-like over the other shoulder.

She spun around and aimed her weapon at me.  "Who are you?"

Her top was split along her cleavage.  I wondered how it kept from
falling off.  It must fit exactly to her ample... What was I thinking?
She was holding a rifle or something and looked like she was going to
kill me.

"Ke-Keiichi Morisato!"  I slowly raised my hands over my head.

"You're just the man I've been looking for, Mr Morisato.  Do you realise
that your life is in mortal jeopardy?"  She reshouldered her rifle.

"W-what?"

"Yes, an Oni is planning to seduce and devour you."

"An Oni?"

"You know the legends.  Green hair, horns and fangs.  They wear
tiger-skin underwear, fly around seducing and eating people."  She held
two fingers over her head like horns and made a grin that was equal
parts vacant, evil, cute and seductive.

"How do you know so much about them?"

"I'm the goddess of luck.  The Oni are my mortal enemies."

"So what am I supposed to do about it?"  I didn't believe a word of it.
Lum wasn't an evil monster.

"Let her seduce you."

"What?, but you said that she'd devour me next?"

"Don't worry, I'll nail her before she can.  It's safest to strike in
her moment of maximum distraction.  If you get into trouble, just cry
out.  I'll be listening."  She began to usher me back out of the garage.

"Wait, what's your name?"

"I'm Benten.  Now hurry up, she's on her way back, and be very quiet,
we're hunting Oni."

The garage door slammed shut behind me and I stood there wondering what
to do when Lum turned the corner with her shopping basket.

"Darling, what is it, t'cha?"

"Uh."  How was I going to let Lum know we were being watched, without
alerting the maniac with the big gun?

"Darling, you're thinking about how you're going to be ashamed to be
seen with me on the beach, t'cha?"  Lum frowned.

"No!  That's not it at all.  Uh, I was just thinking about dinner."

"Don't worry Darling!  I'll have it done in a jiffy, t'cha!"  She rushed
inside and switched back to bikini and apron.

I noticed that her shopping basket held plenty of fresh and dried
peppers.  I hoped that dinner wasn't going to hurt too much.  I couldn't
think of any way to discretely warn Lum, and I was beginning to think
the whole thing had been a prank, so I went back to my design.

"Darling, how was dinner, t'cha?"  Lum looked at me apprehensively.

"It was great."  Actually it was a little hotter than what she had been
preparing lately, but nowhere near as bad as her first dishes.

On the train ride to the beach, I noticed that the government men in
black suits and sunglasses had tagged along.

"Darling, this is a wonderful place isn't it, t'cha?"  Lum opened the
balcony door to the balcony of our two bed hotel room.

"Uh, yes it is."  I wondered again how Lum had gotten a reservation in
the peak season on such short notice.  I had been intending to just have
a day trip, but then Lum had steered us to this hotel.  I guess another
day at the beach wouldn't hurt too much, as long as I didn't get in over
my head.

"Darling, why don't you go down to the beach and save us a spot while I
get ready t'cha?"

"Uh, sure, see you there."

I setup a rented umbrella and beach towel on a nice looking spot and
noticed that the government men, in black swimtrunks and beach shirts
setup their umbrella nearby.  I considered moving, but they'd just
follow along, wouldn't they?

A teenage girl placed her hands over my eyes and pressed against me from
behind.  "Darling, guess who, t'cha?"

"Lum."  I grabbed her hands and turned around to see Benten, in a red
bikini, with her long hair hanging loose.  I dropped her hands.
"Benten?  Where's your gun?"

"Right here ``Darling''."

I felt a pistol muzzle pressed against my back, I tried not to think
about where she must have been carrying it.

"What are you doing here Benten?"

"Why, I'm here to back you up.  Excellent plan Keiichi, you bring her
out here where she feels free to make her move and then we nab her.
Now, what are you going to do next?"

"Well, I thought we'd start by holding hands."

"No, too childish, it'll never do!"

I moved over to the side a bit and turned back towards Benten.  I
couldn't see the pistol anywhere.  "Uh, what's wrong with taking it
easy?  Do you want to see me eaten?"

"Of course not, but it's best to handle things now, before she comes up
with any Oni trickery.  If she corners you, just ask her if she's
lying."

"What good would that do?"

"Oni always lie, so she can't answer either way.  It should buy you
enough time to escape.  Now, put the moves on her, I'll be watching."
Benten got up and walked away.

"Darling!"  Lum ran across the beach towards me, in her usual
tiger-striped bikini, but with sandals instead of the boots.

"Lum over here!"  I stood and waved to her.

"Darling, sorry to keep you waiting."

"No, I just got here myself."

"Darling, are sure that this suit is OK, t'cha?"

"It's perfect for the beach Lum."

"You aren't embarrassed to be seen with me t'cha?"

"No, never."

"Good, now Darling, could you put this sunscreen on me please t'cha?"  Lum
handed me a tube of sunscreen, lay face down on the towel, unfastened
the straps to her top and placed them to either side, leaving her back
bare.

I looked at the tube and froze.  How could I touch Lum like that?

"Morisato?"

I turned around to see the number one babe from our school standing
there.

Lum turned around as she sat up and retied her top behind her back.  She
seemed to be a little annoyed.

"Fancy meeting you here."

"Mi-Mishima Sayoko!"  I couldn't believe my ears, Sayoko had just said
more to me than she ever had before.

"Is this your younger sister, Morisato?"  Sayoko looked over Lum.

"I'm Darling's fiancee, t'cha!"  Lum grabbed at my arm.

"Lum is a transfer student to our school."  I raised my free left hand
behind my head in embarrassment.

"A little young to be a student or your fiancee, isn't she?"  Sayoko
twitched an eyebrow in annoyance.

"I'm twenty years old, t'cha!"  Lum looked like she wanted to stick out
her tongue or show her eyelid to the group with Sayoko.

Well, it was the truth, she was twenty Urusian years old, but that was
only sixteen Earth years.

"Say Lum, why don't you come with us for a bit?"  One of the boys
grabbed Lum's hand and pulled her away from me.

"Zzzack!"  Lum zapped him good and he dropped to the sand.  "Nobody
touches me unless I say so, t'cha!"  Lum announced.

Nobody said anything for a moment.  I looked over at the government men
and they were busy taking notes.

"That's some trick you have there."  Sayoko seemed to be shocked.

"Ma-maybe later."  The boy Lum had zapped gathered himself to his feet
and the group moved on.

Sayoko turned to wave back at me.  "Catch you later Morisato."

What had happened?  Sayoko had never spoken to me before, beyond the
barest minimum required by the situation.  In my first semester, I had
been one of her hundreds of nameless worshipers from afar, but it had
always been painfully obvious that I just didn't exist, as far as she
was concerned.

"Darling t'cha?"  Lum's voice shocked me back to reality.

"Uh, yes Lum?"

"Darling, what do we do next, t'cha?"

"Uh, we could rent a boat and go see the bay."

"That sounds wonderful Darling, t'cha!"

I had rowed a ways off shore, in an small inflatable boat, when one of
my oar strokes caught a wave and splashed Lum.

"Oh Darling, that's cold.  I'll get you back, t'cha!"

I looked around for an escape and found none.  Lum's electric shock had
looked nasty.

Lum splashed me with a handful of water.  I relaxed.

"Darling, rowing looks fun, can I help, t'cha?"

"Sure Lum."  I moved over to the side.

Lum stood and started to move over, but another wave came and she fell.

I grabbed her and we lay there together.  "Uh Lum?"

"Yes Darling t'cha?"  Lum's face was so close to mine.

A motorboat passed next to us and our small boat capsized.

I struggled feebly as I sank in the water.  The last thing I saw before
passing out was Lum zooming down towards me.

I awoke sometime later, in our hotel room.  Lum was sitting over me and
patting a moist towel against my forehead.

"Lum."

"Oh Darling, I'm so sorry, t'cha."

"No, it's my fault, I should have told you that I can't swim."

"I'll go get you some ice Darling, t'cha!"

"Lum."

Lum had been gone a few minutes when I heard a knock at the door.  Maybe
she had locked herself out?  I got to my unsteady feet and went to the
door.

I opened the door and Sayoko was standing there, in a blue dress.
"Morisato, I've come to apologize for what happened earlier."

"Sayoko..."  I browned out for a moment and wound up sprawled over
Sayoko in the corridor.

"Morisato?"  She asked, concerned.

"Uh, sorry about that."

"Darling!"  Lum growled from down the corridor, her fangs exposed in a
snarl.  She looked like a demon at that moment.

"Lum please don't eat me!"  I yelled as I ran down the beach.  "I can
explain."

Lum was flying after me, but she stopped when we heard some giggling
from the rocks.

"Benten!"  Lum turned towards the noise.  "You're the reason Darling's
acting so strange, t'cha!"

Benten stepped out, she had a beach robe over her bikini.  "Guilty as
charged Lum."

"What lies have you been telling Darling t'cha?"

"The usual."

"Benten, what are you doing here, t'cha?"

"Just checking up on you Lum.  We were all pretty concerned when you
vanished after Setsubun."

"Oh Benten it's nice to see you again, even if you do have the strangest
sense of humor, t'cha."  Lum hugged the goddess.

"So Lum, are you two up for supper?  They've got a really nice seafood
menu here."  Benten returned the hug.  It was clear that they were
really good friends.

"Darling?"  Lum turned to me.

"Sure that sounds great."

Actually it wasn't, all of the dishes were very bland, like raw tofu.
It made me almost miss Lum's cooking.

Benten followed along the next afternoon when we returned to the temple
and got some of her things from her airbike in the garage.  She put her
rifle in the rack and locked the weapons room.

"So Benten, you're going to be staying here for a while?"  I asked.

"I don't see why not."  She replied.  "After all, this is my temple."

	Henry J. Cobb	hcobb@slip.net          http://www.io.com/~hcobb