[AMS] [UY] "Urusei Megamisama!" (13/36) "Urusei Megamisama!", Chapter Thirteen: "Wedding Plans" By Henry J. Cobb $Id: urusei_megamisama13.txt,v 1.7 1999/03/03 05:27:59 hcobb Exp $ The Ah! Megamisama! characters and situations are the creation of Kosuke Fujishima. The Urusei Yatsura characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi. No infringement of their copyrights is intended. Previous chapters are available at: http://www.io.com/~hcobb/anime/fanfic/chaos.html ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Skuld, 17 year old goddess of the future, stood on the balcony of Ataru Moroboshi's room and motioned for a UFO hovering overhead to move a few feet to the left. "I still don't understand why I gotta let her move in." Ataru stood next to her with arms crossed as he watched the alien craft slowly descend. "It can't be helped," Skuld gestured a little to the right, "Your proposal was broadcast planetwide." "Yeah, so?" "On Uru!" Skuld turned to face the mortal she had pledged her love to. "Yeah, so just go tell them it was all a mistake." "Lum's father might forgive you for jilting his daughter, but her mother would probably lead a jihad to wipe out humanity. She's a bit strict about these things." "No problem, I beat Lum, we can take them." "That's exactly the point. Humanity is now considered a dangerous equal of the Oni. They'll shoot first and ask questions later the next time." "Alright, you're the goddess, how do I get out of this?" "Wait her out. Lum's fickle, sooner or later she'll get bored and move on." "If anybody's a pickle, it's miss sourpuss goddess, t'cha!" Lum peeked upside down from under the awning, her iridescent green hair dangling down below. "I hope you've left the parking break on," Skuld looked at the UFO hovering improbably next to Ataru's balcony. "Now, where can I put my things, t'cha?" Lum flipped over and walked to Ataru's closet, "All of this will have to go, t'cha!" "Hey! Those are my things!" Skuld grabbed the armful of schooldresses and other clothing from Lum. "And what's this?" Lum held up a pair of Skuld's panties to Ataru, "It doesn't seem to be your style at all Darling, t'cha?" "There's a call for a Skuld Te-Sha," Ataru's mother announced from downstairs. "Excuse me," Skuld glared at Lum then walked down and answered the phone, "Hello?" "Uh, Miss Te-Sha?" "Just call me Skuld." "Uh, well I work for Low Ratings Special, and we're in a bit of a bind here. You see Elvis called in and he can't make it because his latest album is falling behind schedule so we were wondering if you and your sister Lum could make a repeat appearance..." "The Oni-Devil is not my sister!" Skuld slammed the receiver down. "That's demon, not devil, t'cha." Lum was floating in midair with arms and legs crossed. "Thank you so very much for pointing that out." "Aren't they the same thing?" Ataru asked. "It's a Law vs Chaos distinction," Skuld held out each hand in turn as she explained the concept, "The difference between crystalline and amorphous evil." "Devils work for her father, t'cha." "That is not true!" "My mistake Darling, it's her father who works for the devils, t'cha." "Arrgh!" "Well no time to talk about family and religion. I need to find a place for my things, t'cha," Lum flew back up the stairs. "Leave my stuff alone!" Skuld ran after the bikini clad Oni girl. Some time later, humming tunelessly, Lum continued to rummage through Ataru's closet and toss Skuld's things out on the pile next to the sitting goddess. "Why do you have to throw all of my stuff out?" Skuld folded a schooldress, "You've got all that space on your UFO." "Oh, it's all musky from space travel, t'cha." "It's less than a day from Uru to here, or did your ship break down again?" "Oh, we've been busy on campaign, t'cha." "Where, exactly?" Skuld raised an eyebrow. "Oh nowhere important... But you're right as usual, I'll hardly have time to move in before the wedding and then Darling and I will move back to Uru, t'cha." "And what has Ataru said about that?" "There's just so many things to arrange for the wedding. You must be the maid of honor, but you're such a stuffy goddess that you'd never pick something proper to wear, so how about this, t'cha?" Lum pulled a glossy catalog out of her bikini top and unrolled it as she handed it to Skuld. "Th-This isn't something proper to wear to a wedding!" Skuld blushed as she looked at the item in question. "As for me, how about this, t'cha?" Lum held up the latest issue of Oni Bride. "It's time for supper you two," Ataru poked his head past the door. His eyes widened as he saw the magazine Lum was holding then bugged out as they locked on the catalog Skuld was holding. "Hey, gimmie!" Ataru reached for the catalog, but Skuld held it behind her back then folded it into hyperspace as he reached around for it. Ataru grabbed Skuld by the shoulders and leaned up to look behind her back, "How'd you do that?" "What?" Skuld held up her empty hands. "What's for supper mother?" Lum flew past Ataru then down the stairs. "That's presumptuous," Skuld followed on foot. "Yes, I know I'm only her son's fiancee," Lum flipped around to look back at Skuld as she floated along, "but I feel like a part of the family already, t'cha." "Hmmmm...." Lum looked down at her ricebowl as she floated between Ataru and his mother, "Does father have intestinal problems, t'cha?" The newspaper held up by Ataru's father shook for a moment. "Certainly not!" Ataru's mother glared at the oni girl. "Well mother, it's a little bland, isn't it, t'cha?" Lum poked at the dinner. "I'm sorry that this is all my worthless husband's pitiful salary can afford, but I will not have my cooking insulted by a foreign devil!" "Demon," Skuld and Lum corrected together, then leaned forwards to look at each other past Ataru. "Here," Skuld pulled a small glass bottle labeled in Oni from hyperspace, "Earth food is much more subtle than what you're used to." "Thanks," Lum shook half the contents onto her dish before passing the bottle back to Skuld, "Yes, this is much better. If this is all there is to eat here, I can see why you've gotten so emancipated, t'cha." "Emaciated?" Ataru guessed. "Darling, you shouldn't make fun of poor Skuld's condition like that, but don't worry Darling, I'll make sure that you're properly fed when we go to Oni, t'cha." "You're dropping out of school Ataru?" His mother asked. "That's her idea, not mine!" Ataru dropped his empty bowl on the table and stood, "If you'll excuse me, I'm still behind on my homework." Skuld looked down in her bowl and noticed that once more Ataru had cleaned it out while she wasn't looking, "Um, me too." Later, in Ataru's room, Lum pointed at a word in the manga that she and Lum were reading, "What's this mean, t'cha?" "It's a pun," Skuld explained, "If the word was spelled out this way it'd have the proper meaning, but here it has an ironic twist." Ataru looked up from his homework, "Why can't she read properly?" "It's the way she reads. The learning machine gave her a reflexive translation between Oni and Japanese. She feels like she's reading Oni and so doesn't see the pun." "If you've got gizmos like that then what's the use for all these books then?" Ataru patted his schoolbooks. "It only works to express one language in terms of another and it's not perfect, but I guess it's the best you can do if you're not a goddess." "Darling, you realize that she only brings up her family connections because she's never done anything herself, t'cha?" "Hey Skuld, you ready for that history test tomorrow?" Skuld turned from glaring at Lum back to Ataru, "Sure, try me." "The French and Indian war." "Easy, India invaded France in 1914." "Wrong." "What?" Skuld popped her bookbag out of hyperspace and flipped through her history book, "Oh, wrong indians." Later, as Ataru and Skuld spread their futons next to each other, he turned to her, "Aren't you afraid that Lum might kill you in your sleep?" "No, she's not that suicidal. Here, catch!" Skuld popped her pistol into her hand and threw it at Lum, who had just flown in the window. "This is the sort of weapon the locals use, t'cha?" Lum caught the gun one handed then put her tiger-skin blanket down as she examined the pistol, "Magnetic, t'cha?" "No, chemical energy with a metallic slug." "That primitive? You aim it like this, t'cha?" Lum pointed the pistol at Skuld's head and pulled on the trigger. Ataru gulped, but Skuld sat and waited for Lum to continue. "Where's the safety, t'cha?" "Next to your thumb." "Hmm.." Lum flipped the safety off then back on, "What is it, t'cha?" Skuld held her hand out. "Very well," Lum reached down her cleavage and pulled out a raygun which she tossed to Skuld. "Thanks, I've been looking for one of these," Skuld examined the gun. "What's that?" Ataru asked. "It works like a microwave oven. They're mostly used for sport, you hunt and cook at the same time." "How many rounds does this hold, t'cha?" Lum had ejected the magazine for the pistol she held. "Eight rounds." "You can't expect me to become a marksman on that, t'cha?" "Here," Skuld tossed another magazine to Lum, then held her hand out. Lum plucked a small cylinder from her top and tossed it to Skuld. "This is the most important part," Skuld held the device up to Ataru, "Without the battery invented by Ran's people the microwave gun wouldn't be practical." "Who's Ran?" Ataru asked. "She's just this girl we know," Skuld turned back to Lum, "Weapons are highly illegal here, don't show that in public." "Strange place you've found here, t'cha," Lum pushed the pistol through her cleavage into hyperspace while Skuld folded the raygun away. "Now, where do I spread this out, t'cha?" Lum picked up her tigerskin blanket. Ataru looked around his crowded room, "How about the closet?" "Oh no Darling, I could never sleep in there, I've got closetphobia, t'cha!" "I don't think that's going to fly after you've spent half the day rummaging around in there," Skuld pointed to the third-empty closet. "How about in your UFO then?" Ataru looked out his window at the craft hovering in midair. "Darling, I could never leave you in the clutches of this awful goddess, t'cha!" Lum gestured at her UFO and it levitated away. "Very well," Skuld lay on her futon and held the blanket up. "Why do you get to sleep on the side next to Darling, t'cha?" "I was here first. So choose, here or the closet." "Very well, but this will never do, t'cha," Lum pulled away Skuld's blanket and spread her tiger-skin cover over the two of them. Ataru looked like he wanted to say something, but just turned off the light and lay down on his futon with his back to Skuld and Lum. Skuld lay quietly for a while and then felt the static buildup as Lum drifted off to sleep. Skuld snuggled against the sleeping Oni, she'd almost forgotten the familiar buzz of sleeping with Lum. "Rei!, Rei! No, Rei, don't!" Skuld woke up to painfully intense shocks. She tumbled off the futon against Ataru then rolled onto Lum and shook her. "Lum! It's OK! It's over! He's dead! I killed him. There was nothing you could have done!" "Oh!" The lightning died down as Lum awoke, "Morning. I see she's back, t'cha." Skuld followed Lum's gaze, "Why do always show up when you're uninvited?" "Koku?" Noble Scarlet looked up from behind Ataru. "What is it exactly, t'cha?" Lum sat up and held out her palm. "Koku," Noble Scarlet fluttered over and sat in Lum's hand. "She's Noble Scarlet, my angel." "Aren't you a little young for that, t'cha?" "Don't remind me. Here, let me show you how the baths work here." Later in Ataru's room, the two girls sat wrapped in towels and combed out each other's damp hair. Noble scarlet stood next to the window and used a tiny blowdryer, apparently battery powered. "Darling, let's get you fitted for a tux today, t'cha." "Can't, I've got school." "What, on a fine day like this, t'cha?" As they waited for a crosswalk light on the way to school, Lum drifted in front of Ataru, Skuld and Noble Scarlet and studied their school uniforms, "You two look almost like Earth girls in those outfits, except for the goddess markings and wings, t'cha." "Don't ask me what Scarlet is doing in school. She wanted to go and they let her in. It's a very strange school. Huh?" Skuld looked up as Noble Scarlet banished her tiny bookbag to hyperspace to be replaced by her flaming sword. "What is it, t'cha?" Lum looked up at a small twister flying towards them. "It's Skuld's girlfriend," Ataru crossed his arms. "Girlfriend, t'cha?" Lum raised an eyebrow. "That's her idea," Skuld stood and waited as Kurama landed. "Let's go target shooting today," Kurama had an AK-47 slung over her shoulder, "We can use Ataru for practice." "Tempting, but I can't," Skuld replied, "I gave my pistol to Lum," She pointed at the Oni girl. "You gave the weapon that saved my father to this oni devil?" "Demon," Skuld and Lum corrected. "This is completely unacceptable! Give it to me!" "Come and get it!" Lum showed her eyelid to Kurama then flipped out of the way when the tengu princess responded with a wind blast. Kurama took flight after Lum, but the Oni girl ducked behind a building. "Come on," Skuld grabbed Ataru's arm, "The light's changed." Megane, Perm, Chibi and were waiting at the schoolgate. Megane stepped in front of Ataru, "Hey, where's Lum?" "Aw, we blew her off," Ataru followed Skuld into the schoolhouse. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- Henry J. Cobb hcobb@slip.net http://www.io.com/~hcobb