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When my daughter was born I spent some time over on USENET in some of the parenting groups because I was completely clueless and I wanted to Do Things Right.

I had no idea I was such an evil person.

Here's a list of some of my sins:

1. I Didn't Breastfeed For 2 Years!

Sorry, I did the first three months, primarily because it was free and it meant no bottles to wash. Yes, it was also nice that Ellan was getting my immunities, but that wasn't the primary reason for me. When I went back to work three months later, she went to a bottle and formula. Had I been one of those women who could express milk at a thought (and I've known some) I might have done that, but that wasn't the case. I was tired of feeling like a Guernsey anyway.

2a. I Let Strangers Raise My Child!

Oh, the horrors! I went back to work. Let's see... together we made less than $45k. Mine, btw, was the larger paycheck (still is - ah, living well is the best revenge). I took off as long as I could and still collect a paycheck. I haven't taken off work without pay since I was 17 and I didn't see any reason to start then. ("But if you really cared about your child, you'd make the sacrifice and one of you would stay home with her." Oh, yeah, I could sacrifice... let's see... living in a house instead of under a freeway. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.) The flip side to this is that after 3 months at home with an infant I Was Going Out Of My Mind! If it weren't for the net, I think my brain would have just melted and leaked out my ears. I hadn't started writing then... maybe that would have saved my sanity. Some people are cut out to be stay at home parents... I'm not. My child is infinitely better off to have been in the care of professionals.

2b. I Let Strangers Raise My Child Outside The Home!

Yes, what can I say, I should be horse whipped. I work for the University of Houston. UH has an on campus child care center. An on campus child care center with a waiting list. An on campus child care center that is ranked somewhere in the top five child care centers in the fourth largest city in the nation. Many of the staff have been there for 20 years or more. Many of them are repeat recipients of UH Staff Council awards. The facilities are clean, bright, well kept and I could walk in whenever I wanted to. I am a failure as a mother.

3. I Didn't Sleep With My Child!

Oh, dear, surely there's something in the Geneva Convention about this one. When I brought Ellan home from the hospital (see 5. below) she began to sleep in her own room at night and for most of her naps during the day. On occasion (especially in the first couple of weeks) I might fall asleep on the sofa with her or something, but in general, she slept in her own room. I had a baby monitor so I could close her door and still hear when she woke up (there were the times when I couldn't stand it and had to go see if she was still breathing but I think most new moms go through that one).

4. I Didn't Use a Midwife!

I had no idea this was going to be such a problem. I had been going to my gyn/ob for several years. I liked her, got along with her and trusted her. Especially after my miscarriage. She was so wonderfully supportive and reassuring (truth be known, she was more supportive than my ex - jerk). I am so ashamed that I didn't know that I was supposed to have been seeing a midwife instead.

5. I Had My Child In a {gasp} Hospital!

I could see them shaking their heads as I read their posts about this one. Didn't I know that by having my child in a 'hospital' that I was ruining any chance I might have of truly bonding with my baby? Wow! Here I thought I was merely taking advantage of my health insurance, having professionals around to deal with any emergencies that might crop up (like a child with a huge head trying to come through a too small cervix) and not having to actually clean house in my ninth month. I'm surprised I didn't find Child Protective Services on my doorstep when we got home.

It's now 6 years later. I have a lovely, bright, independent, happy child who has rarely been ill (a few odd ear infections, one case of strep and one of those really bizarre fever spikes when she was about 18 months old - scary). She's never thrown up (even as a baby), never had colic, never had diarrhea (where's some wood, I need to knock on it knock,knock,knock). She rarely cried as a baby and now only gets upset when her independence is threatened. ("Ellan, you need to hurry and brush your hair so I can take you to school!" "Mah-ahm! I'll do it myself!")

Now, if anyone wants to do any of the things I was chastised for not doing, go for it, but damn don't harass someone for having different ideas! Different doesn't necessarily mean wrong.