.. leave e-mail .. (for Monty or Carolyn)The difference between theory and experience generally lies in practice, and this is certainly true of Attitudinal Healing. Try to do one of the following personal practice exercises each day (but not more than once per waking hour). Most are five-minute exercises, but you may extend them to 15 minutes if you are comforatble with them. Try not to judge yourself for failing, or for doing them imperfectly, or for being distracted while doing them. Nevertheless, be willing to make an effort, and give them enough priority in your day to make the practice effective. In fact, it is your own "little willingness" that sparks the changes we come to know as "healing".
Practice Exercises:
"Since Love is eternal, death need not be viewed as fearful."
In a way, we experience death every day. Tens, or hundreds, or thousands of times a day, some "little death" comes along. We expect some person to smile at us, and they don't... a little death. We expect the day to go smoothly, and it doesn't... a little death. We grow attached to some physical object, and we lose it... a little death. How we handle these thousands of "little deaths" in large part determines how we handle loss on a larger scale, like the death of a loved one, or the loss of a relationship. Why? Because these are the habits we've developed, this is how we've trained ourselves, this is how we've conditioned our minds. But at the same time, this is our guarantee of healing. Since our mind can be trained, and since we own the power of decision in our own mind, we can train ourselves, through practice, to meet death honestly throughout the day.
For five minutes at the beginning of your day, consider the ways you are attached to its outcome. How do you expect others in your life to behave? What fears do you have about how life will unfold today? What are you afraid might happen unexpectedly? How do you expect yourself to perform? What "things" are you attached to? Acknowledge each of these in your own mind, saying: "In regards to ...(name it)..., I am attached to ...(name it)..." Or, "In regards to ...(name it)..., I expect ...(name it)..." After each acknowledgement, affirm your resolve: "Love is the foundation for trust, and Life is Love's process. My happiness depends on Life's unfolding, and I shall welcome it now."
Throughout the day, whenever you find yourself challenged by your own expectations or attachments, remind yourself quickly: "My happiness depends on Life's unfolding, and I shall welcome it now."
Along with all the "little deaths" (see the above exercise) we encounter throughout the day, come "little griefs". All too often, we push grief away as an unwanted experience. We take a big swallow, and press on without even acknowledging our feelings. Somehow, we've come to believe that we are wrong to feel our feelings, as if something is wrong with us if we grieve. The more we practice putting aside our feelings, the stronger this belief becomes. Yet it does not serve us well to deny our feelings. The denial of grief is the denial of healing, because grief is a natural process arising out of loss, that leads us from dis-connection to re-connection. At the end of every grief process, is the promise of our own connection with Life.
We have the capacity to feel, and to be safe in our feelings. For five minutes at the beginning of your day, allow your feelings to be present. Don't try to direct them, enhance them, or manipulate them. Just notice them; just feel them. Being creatures of both the mind and body experience, we'll frequently notice that feelings get expressed as sensation in the body. Watch the sensations, and try not to judge them good or bad (at least for the duration of the exercise). In the mind, fear thoughts may arise to create resistance, and judging thoughts may attempt to distract us from the experience. Whenever resistance arises for the purpose of shutting down a feeling, remind yourself, "My mind is open, and my body is soft; I am willing to trust Life now. I am willing to feel Life now."
Throughout the day, once an hour if possible, sit quietly for 30 seconds, and remind yourself of your commitment to feel: "My mind is open, and my body is soft; I am willing to trust Life now. I am willing to feel Life now."
Even at the moment of bodily death, the "breath" is the central focus. Author Stephen Levine has suggested that even the breath is an exercise in living and dying, and as such an exercise in trusting Life. Thus, the practice of conscious breathing is a practice in trusting Life, without the need for understanding. When the body breathes its last breath, who are we to say Life does not provide another breath, just because we did not see it? We believe, or we do not believe; but mostly, we do not know.
Can you imagine what life would be like if we so trusted Life, that every breath became an exercise in conscious living, conscious dying? Imagine what wonder life would hold for you, if you approached every life experience in just this way. Set aside five minutes at the end of your day, for the practice of breathing. Begin by repeating the following phrase silently, five times, slowly: "In every breath, there is Life; in every breath, there is peace." Then simply watch quietly for the next several minutes, the rising and the falling of the chest, as each breath is welcomed into the body, and each breath is released into the surrounding peace. As each breath comes and goes, let the mind find its own quiet, and let the body relax just a little. End the exercise as it was started, saying five times: "In every breath, there is Life; in every breath, there is peace."
Note: The following exercise has the potential to be quite emotional. If you feel uncomfortable about exploring grief at this time, wait until another time. Life will present another opportunity. If you are a child, we strongly suggest that you show the exercise to a parent, a guardian, a teacher, or a counselor first, and discuss the exercise (and grief) with them before doing the exercise.
For most of us, our first encounter with "death" will be the death of someone we love, perhaps a parent, a grandparent, a sibling, a friend, someone we admired in the world, or a pet. Clearly, from our own perspective as someone who lives on in the world, "death" is a LIFE experience, and can be treated as such. What arises naturally from an experience of being disconnected from life, is a deep desire for re-connection. And the natural process that brings us from dis-connection to re-connection, we call grief.
For five minutes at the end of your day, sit quietly in a quiet place. We all carry some unfinished grief with us, resulting from our incomplete re-connection to life. When we trust our own innate ability to grieve, in our own way, we learn to trust Life again, and reconnect with it. Sometimes this takes time, as we discover how deep our feeling of disconnection seems to be, and how much we long to return to Life. Sometimes it takes repetition, as we uncover multiple ways we have disconnected from Life. Here is the thought that will carry us through the healing process we call grief tonight: "Love has not left me; I am surrounded by it now. Life has not left me; I am supported by it now." For the remaining time, feel the grief you carry, and see if you can find that part of your grief that longs for the return to Life in this moment. Trust yourself to feel "just such as it is". And Trust yourself to re-connect with Life. For the final minute, repeat slowly to yourself, "Love has not left me; I am surrounded by it now. Life has not left me; I am supported by it now."
Note: The following exercise has the potential to be quite emotional. If you feel uncomfortable about exploring beliefs about death at this time, wait until another time. Life will present another opportunity. If you are a child, we strongly suggest that you show the exercise to a parent, a guardian, a teacher, or a counselor first, and discuss the exercise (and death) with them before doing the exercise.
What we call "death", may really be a LIFE experience. Like many things we fear because we do not understand them, we are tempted to set it aside, put it away, call it by another name, deny it, refuse it. All of us will encounter "death" at least once, and some of us will encounter it many times along the way, as those around us die. If we have welcomed life's unexpected experiences all along the way, it will not be hard to welcome this experience we call "death." Understanding is not required, as it was not required at our birth. When we were born, we had no understanding at all. Yet we were filled with Trust for Life. Trusting Life is the key to our healing, as forgiveness is the key to happiness. Sadly, this is not what most of us practice, so we are in need of "healing" in both "life" and "death."
Set aside ten minutes today for this important topic. Sit quietly in a quiet place. For the first five minutes, think about what death is, from your own perspective. Try to go past any platitudes or teachings about death that were given you by someone else. Consider your own fears, and be as honest as you can about them. You may think about your own death, or the death of another, past or future. If it helps, use this formula for acknowledgment: "I wonder if death might be like so ... (say what you think)..., and I feel afraid that ... (name your fear)." Think of as many beliefs as you can, but don't dwell on this part of the exercise for more than five minutes.
For the last five minutes, acknowledge what you DO NOT KNOW. Remember, Trust is the key to healing. Try to find the clear truth in the following statement, repeated slowly and silently for the remaining time: "I do not understand life, nor my experiences in it. But I can learn to trust again. Life is Love's process, and I am willing to trust it now."
Death is the great "letting go," but in order to be able to release our lives when the moment comes, we need to practice letting go in small ways. Take a few quiet moments to reflect today, asking yourself, "Is there something in my life that needs to die?" Consider old beliefs, habits, or ways of being you've outgrown, relationships that do not enhance your happiness or peace, thought patterns that lead in that same old circle of doubt or frustration.
Ask your heart, "What is there in me that needs to die?" and let an answer come to you. Let your awareness rest on that belief, relationship or pattern and feel how deeply it is woven into your life. Express your gratitude to it for bringing you to this place in your life. Imagine letting it go, letting it die, letting it gently dissolve away. This is an exercise in feeling, so there is no need to analyze this or figure out how it is going to happen. Simply allow the body to soften, imagine releasing this outworn, outgrown, perhaps weary part of your life. As you feel it slowly dissolve away, send it your blessing and remind yourself, "I allow the flow of emotions in myself and others. I let the past be as it was. I welcome Love's unfolding in my life."
Repeat these phrases throughout the day when you feel yourself frustrated or challenged: "I allow the flow of emotions in myself and others. I let the past be as it was. I welcome Love's unfolding in my life."
When we let go of that which is no longer needed, something wonderful opens up: emptiness... space... room. Now there is room for something new to be born into our awareness. Perhaps there is something that has been waiting all our life for our loving, spacious attention, for our permission, for our welcome. Perhaps a new idea or perception has been hovering at the edge of our awareness, only awaiting our invitation. Take a few moments to sit quietly and ask your heart, "What wants to be born into my life today? I welcome the birth of something new." When something arises from your heart into your mind, welcome it as you would a beloved child, a long-awaited gift. Let your heart rise up to meet it, and remind yourself, "Love's welcome waits for me. I receive this gift that comes to me; I welcome it into my heart."
Look around the room and find some small talisman that can remind you of this new part of yourself. Slip it into your pocket or purse, where you will run across it during the day (hopefully, more than once). Each time you see or touch it, remind yourself, "Today, Love gives its gifts to me. I welcome them now into my heart."
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